A ‘Johnies’ Guide To...

Just how wrong is it to “shit on your own doorstep?”

Over the past few months I have been thinking more and more about this, I guess going through the whole “getting a crush on a married friend” thing does that too you! It makes you think more and re-evaluate your life and how you act; nothing can have you thinking more than a crush on married goods! Just for the record, it was just a crush; nothing came of it (or would) and I am over it now!

While conscious dictates that we should follow the right paths and that cheating is indeed wrong, is everything really that black and white and so easy to define? While physically it may be wrong, is it always wrong to flirt when you neither have any intentions of going “there?”

Pulling away from married men for a bit, (wives will be pleased there...) let us look at other forbidden fruits if we can. Is it wrong to fancy your boss or manager? What if you are both single? Is it just a case of if your company allows it or is it down to the two individuals concerned? What about having a relationship with an under manager or supervisor if neither of you have anything to gain from it, is that still deemed as wrong; and if so why?

Is it wrong to look twice at a friend’s single parent? And what about a family friend? Just why is it wrong for two single people to be together should they wish to be together? Where did this “moral righteousness” come from in these matters? Why is it that love seems so hard to find and seemingly has so many hoops to jump through? Can it not just be about love and how they treat you and make you feel, does it always have to be such a big thing?

What about falling for your friend, there always seems to be such a stigma attached to the friend thing; it makes me wonder just why it all seems such a big deal? After all, are we not all searching for someone to be our lover; partner; better/other half and best friend anyways? Isn’t that a dream we would all like to achieve, a little fairytale successful conclusion of their own?

We have all heard about (and sometimes been or had) fuck buddies right? But just when do these buddies, become fuck buddies? When you meet a nice boy or girl or whatever and become friends, is there a moment when it all changes from “potential life partner” to “fuck buddy?” Or do you class that as the “getting to know you” process? I suppose I am trying to ask just when do you make the choice to be “mates” with someone and when do you make the choice to be “more than that?”

In an ideal world, when you met your soul mate; sparks would fly, birds would sing and all other manner of “sickly ~ sweet stuff” would occur. They say that when you truly fall in love, you don’t need to ask questions; you just know. But is this really the case, or is it some claptrap made up to sell more hearts, flowers and cards? When you are stood at the alter with the man/women/whatever you think is your “one and only,” why isn’t there a moment when someone says; “you know what... are you SURE?”

In my experience, I always thought that it was love when they made you feel like no one else in the world. As such, I have to date; fell in love at least four times... and three of them have been this week alone! None have been my “boyfriends” and nor do I think any of them would ever have been... (Or will be) so just why did I think I loved them?

Because they made me feel something different from the others! Not that it was always a good thing mind you!! But that’s another story; and one best left for another time!!! One guy was someone I could see myself having children with, all well and good had he actually been someone I could have spoken too! One gentleman, treated me with such a respect it would have been almost impossible not to fall... his wife must have been so proud of him! (Again, another long story!)

I know I am not perfect, and probably have crap taste in men; (sorry to the guys I know) but is it really all me getting it wrong? On the one hand, you are told that you are not doing enough to meet someone special... but then in the next sentence, you get told that you are doing too much to meet someone. Just what is the right amount of searching or looking for the one?

In the post below, Michael poses the question; why doesn’t everyone really find their soul mates when we are made to believe we will and that their is someone out there for us all? Clearly if people die alone and unhappy, not everyone finds their “other/better half” right? But then, someone will say; there’s someone out there for you! I, myself have had all the lines pulled out by family and friends who wish for me to be happy...

I’ve had the; “he’s just round the corner” talks, and the; “you’ll find him when you are not looking” lines too... Which, although I know are meant with my best intentions at heart; rarely make me feel any better. Maybe it is me being impatient, maybe I actually do know better; or maybe I have lost my faith and belief in love and romance... whatever it is, I know that something is not right in my life!

Now this line of question has a lot of side roads, which I will save for the comments after etc. I know it is going to be a long post anyway! (Sorry about that; you know me... I like to muse!) I’ll round things up by saying that, in my humble opinion; I feel like being a “nice girl with a heart of gold...” (Thank you to the guy who sent that in a text to my friend btw... no names but thanks!) is just no longer enough!

So here is my question; just what are the “Rules of Relationships?”

Just what advice can you offer? What experiences have you been through that have shaped the way you think, act and deal with life? What in hindsight would you change and what would you keep as it is?

As St. John members we often have to give and take advice to do our job better, life is much the same; so what help and advice can you offer people in the mind field out there called love?

I am asking everyone for their advice and opinions, if we get enough comments (anonymously of course!) I will look at getting them printed up and made into a book... all proceeds will go to St. John Ambulance and one other charity; to be chosen by the Mayor of Northampton, England. So, have a think and join in! Post comments here or e-mail them to me direct or via facebook... we’d welcome comments from everyone and anyone, the more the merrier in fact.