If you have a comment on my attitude, intelligence or lack thereof please send them to my comment person Mrs. Waite... Helen will take all comments on my behalf...
So if ya don't like me ... go to "HELEN WAITE
"Life is not measured by the breaths we take,
but by the moments that take our breath away."
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Never hold your farts in. They travel up your spine, into your brain, and that is where shitty ideas come from!!!!
Q: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER. THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS...
I'm sorry...what did you ask me?
I hate when people forward too many warnings, but this
one is important! Send this warning to everyone you know, friends and enemies! If someone comes to your front door saying they are conducting a survey on deer ticks and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around, do not do it!
IT'S A SCAM... they're not really checking for ticks!
I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid now
A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
A place where women curl up and dye.
Someone who is fed up with people.
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
Mud with the juice squeezed out.
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
An insect that makes you like flies better.
Grape with sunburn.
Something you tell to one person at a time.
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
The pain that drives you to extraction.
One of the greatest labour saving devices of today.
An honest opinion openly expressed.
Something other people have. You have character lines
FINAL THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2030, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.