Friday, March 14, 2008


This was written by a friend on a fan forum I belong to, I wanted to post this here because it touched me deeply and I found it so moving that I wanted to share it on my blog page; mainly because I want to remember this and how it makes me feel. Hope it makes someone else feel touched too.


It’s 22nd Feb 2008.

Here I sit alone
Dazed, un-well, un-loved
My tears stream from my face like a waterfall
Running wild as my head goes crazy

Best form of insanity

A missed dose
Turns me to one regretful girls
A nigh wasted, a night I should enjoy
Just wasted over my petty mistake

I mask my pain with food

Over eating, mood swings and sudden grouchiness
A daily routine in my home life;
Yet here I be in the city that never sleeps
And I am down in that dwelling route

To my shrink, I’ve proved my point

My mind races with fear
Causing my mind to go into rages of thunder
It controls that distressing thought
A razor blade a box of pills

Back to that desperate state

Tears are no more
I sit here and shake
Fears of silent scream
Arise from that secret chest

I’d do it all again

A sick feeling in my throat
A pound in my head
My body is at war
Who will win?

Tick, tick, tick

Maybe I’ll die tomorrow?
End this stupid farce
But maybe once again
I should try it myself

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

The Guardian

By the glow of a thousand candles, I took my vow,
To defend with my sword the here and now,
To stand for the realm of reality, it seems,
To carry the battle even in to my dreams.

To guard the Sylvan Elven borders,
From those that are killers, looters and hoarders,
To guard the treasures of the enchanted Faye,
A sentinel at night, a protector by day.

To counter the sons of darkness and night,
I was born unto the sons of gladness and light,
And forever my blood will protect the land,
Countless evils will fall to my hand.

So ever I watch, my sword at my side,
Always alert, toward danger I ride,
To the land I am pledged, perched high on my steed,
I'll ride fifty miles to do a good deed.

For Honour, and Glory, the Righteous, the Pure,
All manners of wickedness and pain I'll endure,
For the Elves, and the Faye, and the Land are all dear,
And my life has been pledged to protect them from fear.

For only when all of these threats
Have been silenced by death,
Will I be able to retire, and draw my last breath?

Greywolf the Wanderer ©

Monday, March 10, 2008

A Part of Me.

Suddenly I saw you standing there

You were all I ever needed in a man

Your eyes were looking straight at me

And I felt like I have never felt before.


You are in my heart

That’s where you’ll always be

For the rest of our lives

You’ll always be a part of me.


I remember how we used to talk

I remember how you made me laugh

I was once so close to holding you

But now it all seems so far away.


You are in my heart

That’s where you’ll always be

For the rest of our lives

You’ll always be a part of me.


But now it’s all so different

And now I feel the cold

I never feel the warmth

That you used to show to me.


You are in my heart

That’s where you’ll always be

For the rest of our lives

You’ll always be a part of me.


Will I ever feel that warmth you used to show to me

Because I really need to know

Do you remember how we used to be

Because I do remember every night of my life

When I’m alone in my room.


You are in my heart

That’s where you’ll always be

For the rest of our lives

You’ll always be a part of me.

You are always in my dreams.


© Nicky D Sarti 2008.

Kat’s Song.

Hey there pretty angel where have you gone.

You with your good heart and soft tender touch.

You with your sad blue eyes.

Where have you gone?


Here I am just sittin’ here thinking.

Thinking about your love and how I miss you so.

How you showed me true love and how to love again.

I miss you so; miss your smile; your face; your heart.


Oh my love come back to me.

Oh my dear sweet angel know I miss you so;

Know that my heart is yours.

For now and always my heart belongs to you.


With me in my world and you in yours;

Know that I will always love you;

And that my heart belongs to you.

My heart and soul will always be yours.


Know this much my dear sweet angel;

Whatever may part us,

Whatever may come between us;

Wherever you may go; I belong to you.

Hey pretty angel, where have you gone?


© Nicky D Sarti 2008.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Wine Truck...

You've been hit by the

|^^^^^^^^^^^^^^| ||
|...WINE TRUCK.....| ||'|";, ___.
|_..._..._______===|=||_|__|..., ] -
"(@)'(@)"" "''"**|(@)(@)***''(@)

















And remember...
"A clean house is the sign of a wasted life"

A Wonky Donkey...

What do you call a Donkey with one leg?
A Wonky Donkey.

What do you call a Donkey with one leg and one eye?
A Winky Wonky Donkey.

What do you call a Donkey with one leg, one eye and making love?
A Bonky Winky Wonky Donkey.
(Keep with me here guys)

What do you call a Donkey with one leg, one, making love and farting?
A Stinky Bonky Winky Wonky Donkey.

What do you call a Donkey with one leg, one eye, making love, farting while wearing blue suede shoes?
A Honky Tonky Stinky Bonky Winky Wonky Donkey.

What do you call a Donkey with one leg, one eye, making love, farting while wearing blue suede shoes and playing a piano?
A Plinky Plonky Honky Tonky Stinky Bonky Winky Wonky Donkey.

What do you call a Donkey with one leg, one eye, making love, farting while wearing blue suede shoes, playing a piano and driving a bus?

A bloody talented smart ass!!!

Cycle Of Life Is Wrong...

The life cycle is all backwards. You should start out dead and get it out of the way. Then, you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy; go collect your pension, then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and you get ready for High School. You go to primary school, you become a kid , you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a baby, and then...
You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions; central heating, room service on tap, larger quarters every day, and then, you finish off as an orgasm.

I rest my case.

Revised version of Gloria Gaynor’s I will Survive...

At first I was afraid, I was petrified.
When you said you had 10 inches, Lord I almost died.
But I'd spent oh so many years just waiting for a man that long.
That I grew strong and knew that I could take you on. But there you are...
another lie,
I was geared up for a Big Mac and you've brought me a French fry
I should have known it was bullshit, just a sad, pathetic dream.
Should have known no anaconda would be lurking in those jeans...
Go on now go... walk out the door.
Don't you promise me 10 inches then turn up with only 4
Weren't you a prat to think that I wouldn't catch you out
Don't you know we're only joking when we say size doesn't count!
I will survive, I will survive
Cos as long as I have batteries my sex life is
gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex with a handful of latex?
I will survive,
I will survive . . .hey hey.
It took all my self-control not to laugh out loud,
When I saw your little wiener standing tall and proud.
But to hell with all your ego's and to hell with all your needs.
Now I'm saving all my loving' for a cordless multi-speed.
Go on now go... you'd better flee
Last time I saw a prick that small was on my brother... he was 3..
I should have asked for confirmation, should have asked for referees
Then I wouldn't have you waving that wee winky thing at me
Go on now go... just hit the track.
Don't you bring me home no tiddlers 'cos I'll always throw them back.
The only thing that I could do with a prick as small as yours
Is to stick it with a toothpick, dip it in tomato sauce.
Go on now go... get out of my sight,
I'm going back to my appliance 'cos I know it's length is right.
And if I ever see your tiny truncheon standing t my door.
You'll be counting up your inches as you pick them off the floor
Go on now go...

Dick Van Dyke....

A strikingly handsome young man walked into the office of a Hollywood agent with his resume and portfolio in hand. The agent reviewed the young man's slim resume and small portfolio with the care that was deserving of his fine young specimen.

"You have the very obvious good looks and excellent demeanour of an actor. Tell me, have you had any roles that I might be aware of."

"Other than the requisite high school and college plays, no sir," said the handsome young man.

"I dare say I know the reason why, with a name like yours," said the agent.


"Your name. Penis Van Lesbian. That's not a name that will go far in Hollywood. I'd love to represent you, but you'll have to change your name."

"Sir," the handsome young man protested, "The Van Lesbian name was my father's, my grandfather's and his father's name. We have carried this name for generations and I will not change it for Hollywood or any other reason."

"If you won't change your name, I cannot represent you young man."

"Then I bid you farewell -- my name will not change." With that, Penis Van Lesbian left the agents office never to return.

Five Years Later: The Hollywood agent returned to his office after lunch with some producers and shuffled through his mail. Mostly junk mail, trade journals and the like. There was one letter. He opened the envelope and removed the letter. As he unfolded the fine linen paper, a check dropped from the folds and onto his desk. He looked at the check. It was for 50,000 dollars! He read the letter:

Dear Sir:

Several years ago, I entered your office determined to become an actor. You refused to represent me unless I changed my name. I objected, saying the Penis Van Lesbian name had been carried for generations and left your office. However, upon leaving, I chanced to reconsider my hastiness and after considerable reflection, I decided to heed your advice and endeavoured to change my name. Now I am a famous actor with many roles and known to millions worldwide.
Having achieved this fame and fortune, it is often that I think back to my meeting with you and your insistence that I change my name. I owe you a debt of gratitude, so please accept this check with my humble thanks, for it was your idea which has brought me to such wealth and fame.

Very Sincerely Yours,
Dick Van Dyke

New Virus Warning... Please Read....


If you receive an email entitled "Bedtimes," delete it IMMEDIATELY. Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetises the strips on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR, and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It will program your phone auto dial to call only 1-800 numbers.

This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.
It will leave dirty underwear on the coffee table when you are expecting company. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine.

If the "Bedtimes" message opened in a Windows 95/98 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, it will also refill your Skim milk with whole milk.


And if you don't send this to 50000 people in 20 seconds, you'll fart so hard that your right leg will spasm and shoot straight out in front of you, sending sparks that will ignite the person nearest you.
Send this warning to everyone.

(If you are a blonde, this is a Joke...

Don't tell me this isn't funny! I'll know that you’re lying!!!)

How To Write A Goodbye Letter....

A letter written by a heartbroken man to his estranged partner...

Dear Audrey:

I know the counsellor said we shouldn't contact each other during
our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things.

I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about
looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does. Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says... "There's no one like you, Audrey." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close.

Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingo’s and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19; with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Jugs you wouldn't believe and an ass like a tortoise shell. Every man's dream, right?

But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought,
look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes. But you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Audrey? I doubt it. And I'd never really thought of that before. I don’t know, maybe I'm just growing up a little.

Later, after I'd tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt,
I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It
wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some niggling feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there, Audrey, to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Audrey, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you.

Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at Pontins last
year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagne. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad too. 'Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Audrey ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex aid."

Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining
order. I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good counsel about you and about women in general. She's pulling for us to get back together, Audrey, She really is. So we're drinking in a hot bath and talking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing and that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fuelled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you?

It's true, Audrey. In your heart you know it. Don't you think we
could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances and start fresh? I think we can. If you feel the same please please please let me
know, otherwise, can you let me know where the Satellite remote control is?



Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying.

On one occasion, I had a valid reason, but lied anyway because the truth was too humiliating.

I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I could think up a dozy to explain the bandage on my crown.

The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially the new acquisition was no problem, but one morning I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Ed! The garbage disposal is dead. Come reset it." "You know where the button is." I protested through the shower (pitter-patter). "Reset it yourself!"

"I am scared!" She pleaded. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?"

(Pause) "C'mon, it'll only take a second."

So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping to make a statement about how her cowardly behaviour was not without consequence.

I crouched down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button.

It is the last action I remember performing.

It struck without warning, without respect to my circumstances. Nay, it wasn't a hexed disposal drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, clawing playfully at the dangling objects she spied between my legs.

She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I took the bait under the sink. At precisely the second I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws.

I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, while rising upwardly at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.

Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. Fleeing straight up, the sink and cabinet bluntly impeded my ascent; the impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.

Having been full briefed by my wife, the paramedics snorted as they tried to conduct their work while suppressing hysterical laughter.

At the office, colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about. "What's the matter, cat got your tongue?"

If they had only known!

Answer Phone Message...

The secret treatment was not self-help literature, but a new automated psychotherapy advice line:

  • If you are obsessive-compulsive please press 1 repeatedly.
  • If you are Co-dependant please ask someone to press 2.
  • If you have Multiple Personalities, press 3, 4, 5 & 6.
  • If you are Paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
  • If you are Delusional, press 7, and you call will be transferred to the Mother Ship.
  • If you are Schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
  • If you are Dyslexic, press 96969696969696.
  • If you have a Nervous Disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.
  • If you have Amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, national insurance number and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.
  • If you have Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.
  • If you have Bi-polar Disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
  • If you have Short Term Memory Loss, please try your call again later.
  • If you have Low Self Esteem, please hang up. All our operators are far too busy to talk to you.

Just Fred...

A local law enforcement officer stopped a car for travelling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he was in a good mood that day he decided to give the poor fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. So, he asks the man his name.

"Fred" he replies.

"Fred what?" the officer asks.

"Just Fred" the man responds. When the officer presses him for a last name, the man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it.

"Tell me Fred, how did you lose your last name?" The man replies...

"It's a long story so stay with me. I was born Fred Dingaling. I know, funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time so I stayed at home. I studied hard and got good grades.

When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, finally got my degree so I was Fred Dingaling, MD.

After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream. Got all the way through school, got my degree so I was now Fred Dingaling MD DDS. Got bored doing dentistry so I started fooling around with my assistant. She gave me VD.

So, I was Fred Dingaling MD DDS with VD. Well, the ADA found out about the VD so they took away my DDS so I was Fred Dingaling MD with VD.

Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD. Then the VD took away my Dingaling so now I'm just Fred."

(The officer let him go without even a warning.)

The Irish Virgin

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin, and very proud of it. Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to the town's undertaker who also happened to be the local postal clerk to make the proper "final" arrangements. As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone:


Not long after, the old maid died peacefully. A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker--postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone she had selected was much too small for the wording she had chosen.He thought long and hard about how he could fulfil the old maid's final request, considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone. For days, he agonized over the dilemma. Finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem. The virgin's tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved and it read as follows:


A Woman's Drink!

A woman and her boyfriend are in a bar having a few drinks. While they're sitting there having a good time together she starts talking about this really great new drink.

The more she talks about it the more excited she gets and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one. After a while he gives in and let's her order the drink for him. The bartender brings the drink and puts the following on the bar: a salt shaker, a shot of Baileys, a shot of lime juice. The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains.

First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth and finally you drink the lime juice. So the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her goes for it. He puts the salt on his tongue - salty but ok. He drinks the shot of Baileys - smooth, rich, cool, very pleasant. He thinks this is ok.

Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it.... At one second the sharp lime taste hits, at two seconds the Baileys curdles, at three seconds the salty curdled bitter taste hits. This triggers his gag reflex but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now nasty drink.

When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend. She smiles widely at him and says "So, how did you like it ? It's called

"Blow Job's Revenge!"

Gorilla Diet...

Did you hear about the heavyset guy who had tried every diet in the world in an attempt to lose weight? He tried the Scarsdale diet, the Navy diet, Weight Watchers, and many more. None worked. Then, one day, he was reading the Washington Post when he noticed a small ad that read: Lose weight Only $1.00 a pound Call (202) 555-0238 The man decided to give it a try and called the number.

A voice on the other end asked, "How much weight do you want to lose?" The man responded, "Ten pounds." The voice replied, "Very well, give me your credit card number and we’ll have a representative over to your house in the morning." About 9:00 am the next morning the man gets a knock on the door. There stood a beautiful redhead, completely naked except for a sign around her neck stating, "If you catch me, you can have me." Well, the hefty fellow chased her upstairs, downstairs, over sofas, through the kitchen, all around the house. Finally, panting and wheezing like a dog, he did catch her. When he was through enjoying himself, she said, "Quick, go into the bathroom and weigh yourself."

He did just that and was amazed to find that he had lost ten pounds, right to the ounce! That evening he called the number again. The voice on the other end asked, "How much weight do you want to lose?"--to which the somewhat-less-overweight man replied, "Twenty pounds." "Very well," the voice on the phone told him, "Give me your credit card number and we’ll have a representative over to your house in the morning."

At about 8:00 am the next morning the man receives a knock on the door. When he opens the door he sees a beautiful blonde dressed only in track shoes and a sign around her neck stating, "If you catch me, you can have me." The chase took a good while longer this time and the man nearly passed out, but he finally did catch her. When he was through she told him, "Quick, run into the bathroom and weigh yourself." He ran to the bathroom and found he had lost another 20 pounds! "This is fantastic!" he thought to himself.

Later that evening he called the number again and the voice at the other end asked, "How much weight do you want to lose?"

"Fifty pounds!" the man exclaimed.

"Fifty pounds?" the voice asked, "That’s an awful lot of weight to lose at one time." The man replied, "Listen buddy, here’s my credit card number, you just have your representative over here in the morning!" and he hung up the phone.

About 6:00 am the next morning the man gets out of bed, splashes on some cologne and gets all ready for the next representative. At about 7:00 am he gets a knock on the door. When he opens the door, he sees this large naked gorilla with a sign around his neck stating,


A Bush Joke...

President Vladimir Putin called George Bush with an emergency:  "Our largest condom factory has exploded!" the Russian President cried;

"My people's favourite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!"

"Vladimir, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you," replied the President.

"I do need your help," said Putin. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tie us over?"

"Why certainly! I'll get right on it!" said Bush.

"Oh, and one more small favour, please?" said Putin. "Yes?" "Could

the condoms be red in colour and at least 10" long and 4" in

diameter?" said Putin.

"No problem," replied the President and, with that, George Bush hung up and called the President of Trojan. "I need a favour, you've got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send them to Russia."

"Consider it done," said the President of Trojan.

"Great! Now listen, they have to be red in colour, 10" long and 4"


"Easily done. Anything else?"

"Yeah," said the President, "print 'MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE MEDIUM' on each one.


  • As I Mature I've learned that you cannot make

someone love you. All you can do is

stalk them and hope they panic and give in.


  • I've learned that no matter how much I care,

some people are just assholes.


  • I've learned that it takes years

to build up trust, and it only takes

suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.


  • I've learned that you can get by

on charm for about fifteen minutes.

After that, you'd better have a big willy

or huge boobs.


  • I've learned that you shouldn't

compare yourself to others - they are

more screwed up than you think.


  • I've learned that you can keep vomiting

long after you think you're finished.


  • I've learned that we are responsible

for what we do, unless we are celebrities.


  • I've learned that regardless of

how hot and steamy a relationship is at

first, the passion fades, and there had better

be a lot of money to take its place!


  • I've learned that 99% of the time when

something isn't working in your house, one

of your kids did it


  • I've learned that the people you care most

about in life are taken from you too soon

and all the less important ones just never go away.

A Great Interview Question!

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night.

You pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting in the rain for the bus:

An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.

An old friend who once saved your life.

The perfect man/woman you have been dreaming about

(don't say "there's no such thing as a perfect man/woman")

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car?

Think before you continue reading.

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first;

or you could take the old friend because he/she once saved your life,

and this would be the perfect chance to pay him/her back.

However, you may never find your perfect dream lover again.

The candidate who was hired had no trouble coming up with his answer.


He simply answered: "I would give the keys to my old friend, and let him take the lady to the hospital.

I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the woman of my dreams."

Never forget: Think outside of the box.

Her Goodbye.

As they somberly walked into the church none of them in their wildest dreams ever thought this day would ever come, as the all sat in the front row they all seemed to cling onto each other for moral support and friendship. As the guys did their best to comfort the ladies they all tried to combat their own emotions. Felix, Eve and Frankie did their best to comfort each other, while Stella, Lucy and Grace clung on to each other for dear life. Moments later the team and friends watched as the casket was carried in by Gabby’s colleagues and member’s of the order and St. John and Joe, while Alex and Jessica followed up behind trying not to break down and cry. Trying to smile to the team he knew it was never going to reach his lips as he passed by Grace caught his hand and squeezed it tightly, nodding they seemed to understand this unspoken show of support. Sitting upon Grace’s lap Jessica just sat silently as she watched her beloved Mother lay in an oak casket. As Alex stood with Joe at the parapet his mind went numb, trying to find the words was going to be agony.

“I think of you often and make no outward show, but what it means to lose you, no one will ever know. You wished no one farewell, not even said good-bye; you were gone before I knew it, and only God knows why. You are not forgotten nor will you ever be, as long as life and memories last, I will remember thee. To some you may be forgotten, to others a part of the past, but to me who loved you dearly, your memories will always last. Nothing can be more beautiful than the memories I have of you. To me, you were someone special; God must have thought so too! If tears could build a staircase and memories a lane, I would walk all the way to heaven, and bring you back again.” Pausing for a moment Alex swallowed hard not only to collect his thoughts but also try stopping his tears from falling, before he went on.

"My dear sweet beautiful wife, I promised you my heart and soul forever. For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul. Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage." Looking to the piece of paper in his hands, Alex spoke once more knowing it was all he had left.

"Nunc scio quit sit amor."

(Translated from Latin, means; "Now I know what love is.”)

Walking over to oak casket stood on stilts Alex did all he could to hold it together, not just for himself but also those other faithful friends and family that were equally devastated by the loss of their colleague, friend and Mother. Holding on to Joe as tightly as he could he stood next to the casket that contained his loyal and loving beautiful wife inside, as pall bearers stood on either side of the casket taking the small box containing the highest medal from the order; the one Gabby had longed for they handed it over to Alex who did all he could not to break down. Feeling Joe squeeze his hand he felt safe for a moment, before laying a soft kiss upon the casket.

“I love you my darling, always and forever.” Whispering to the casket as he finally found he could no longer hold it all in, Alex broke down and cried unashamedly. Taking his father in his arms Joe did all he could to be strong for his father, but knowing deep inside he too was feeling just the same as Alex and the rest of the team. Watching as they led the casket away Jessica was silently crying into Grace’s arms as her Mother’s casket was carried past her, asking the pall bearers to stop a moment she got off of Grace’s lap and walked over to the casket. Wanting to stop his daughters tears Alex went to his daughter’s side, closely followed by Joe and they watched Jessica speak.

“Ti amo per sempre la mia cara madre.” Kissing the casket as she had seen her Father do, Jessica took off the locket she had given her the day after Alex and Gabby had got married. She placed it on the side of the casket as Alex took her into his arms, Jessica spoke once more

(Translated from Italian means; I love you forever my dear Mother.)

Holding his daughter tightly Alex watched as the love of his life was carried out from the church and off to the graveyard, numbly following on he felt how Sean and Grace supported him either side while Joe supported his step sister, Jessica. Trying to smile he knew it would never reach his lips, wiping their tears away as best they could the team followed Alex out to the graveyard and where Gabby was to be buried. As the service continued Alex numbly stood letting his tears fall freely as Grace stood one side and Joe the other, all he really knew was that he was holding Jessica tightly and that his stunningly beautiful wife wasn’t coming home. It was all a blur to him if he was honest, but as the crowds departed he was left standing at Gabby’s graveside with Grace and the rest of the team by his side. Looking over to Joe who had finished thanking people and was now stood trying to comfort Jessica the best he could.

“Joe is a credit to you both.” Grace said as she tried her best to comfort her long standing friend, nodding slightly Alex wanted to speak but found that he couldn’t. As the hours passed by, the rest of the team had long since left the graveside and where now waiting by the cars but still Grace and Sean stood by Alex’s side.

Feeling the cold wind biting into his numb tear stained face Alex knew he should be going but the honest truth was that he didn’t WANT to go, he had told her he would never leave her side but now he felt totally lost.

“I feel so lost Grace, what am I meant to do now? I’m lost without her, she was… IS my life!” Feeling his grief wash over him like a great wave he broke down and fell into Grace’s arms, and as his tears fell those that Grace had been trying to hold back fell too. Feeling a little useless Sean walked over to where Joe was trying to comfort Jessica; nodding to Joe he held his arms out as Jessica instinctively ran into Sean’s arms. Holding on so tightly to her Sean no longer felt able to hold back his own tears from falling, feeling Jessica hug him tightly back made Sean feel slightly better and as Joe put his hand on his shoulder he looked up and tried to smile.

“I know Sean, I know!” Was all Joe could or even needed to say, feeling his friends pain being joined by his own pain and grief. Standing by the cars Spencer took hold of Felix and held her in his arms, feeling how she was trying like the rest of the team to be strong. Knowing it was no use she turned to face Spencer and looked into his eyes, knowing what each felt without a single word Felix buried her head in his chest and finally broke down; followed by the rest of the team.

Back at the graveside Grace dried her tears slightly as she indicated to Alex that it was time for them to be going, feel the pain he felt as he look up at Grace with tears still falling and his red eyes.

“I don’t want to go Grace; I belong by her side!” Alex managed to say through the tears and pain, nodding Grace knew what he was feeling and going through.

“I know Alex, I know it hurts. But we have to go, come on let’s go.” Grace replied as she gently led her friend away from the graveside, never letting go of her friend. Back at the car Alex was hugged tightly by his friends and colleagues as he tried his best to regain his strength, as they all got in the cars Alex held Jessica in his arms and cried softly with his beautiful daughter. Moments later the cars pulled away leaving behind their friend and Mother, while Alex left behind his wife lover best friend and soul mate. Taking his hand in hers Grace felt his pain and tried her best to comfort him, knowing Gabby would be looking down upon them all and protecting them as best she could. As Joe sat in the front thoughts filled his mind of just how his Father could or even would be able to bounce back from this latest heartbreak his Father had suffered, looking to Grace both nodded an understanding of respect and friendship both knowing this would be a hard road for Alex and indeed all the team.

The Last Master.

Peter Boyd is a modern day white knight in shining armour. Lolita Benoit is a member of St. John. (My pen name) Jacques De Molay is a Knight Templar and the last Grand Master.

On Friday the 13th October 1307, Jacques De Molay along with 60 of his senior knights were arrested in Paris. They were charged with heresy and accused of homosexual acts. Admissions of guilt were extracted due to the use of torture. On 18th March 1314 he was burned at the stake for rescinding their former admission of heresy under torture along with his friends and colleague Geoffroi de Charney and Guy of Auvergne.

While Lolita is in London and making her usual trip to London and around St. John Gate she bumps into and meets Boyd. She had been attacked and he saves her after she shows him around the Gate something happens and they come across Jacques and help him find justice. He in turn promises to help both Boyd and Lolita find what they are looking for, which is each other and happiness.

Over the past six hundred years he had wandered around this place, not really bothering all the millions of visitors they had ever year but just watching over them. Looking out for other lost souls that needed helping and saving, after all that was what his whole life had been about. Right up until that fateful day when he along with sixty of his fellow senior Knights were arrested in Paris and charged with heresy and homosexual acts. Of course it was all lies and fabricated, but what else could they do after all the torture they went through? There was only one way, and it was their way! Was all Jacques thought about now, all that he could think about stopping the pain and longing he had deep within him. Jacques de Molay has been a caring religious man ever since he could first remember, right from an early age it was obvious to all that little Jacques would become a monk or something similar. Nobody, least of all Jacques himself could believe his luck when he was eventually made a Knight in the newly formed Knights Templar. For the rest of his life Jacques lead an honest decent and normal life, but fate had other plans for Jacques De Molay.

Since she could first remember Lolita had been a caring soul. So it was only natural that she would go into a caring profession, which is why she joined her local St. John Ambulance division as soon as she was old enough. After a rocky start Lolita finally found her feet almost five years after joining the adult division, and only after she had met and found a friend in Andrew Williams. Andrew had been the one to keep her from going off the rails and hitting self destruct, he had saved her when she needed it and thanks to him she had found her love and passion for the organization she long thought was dead. And with her renewed passion she would hound her parents to take her to the home of her passion, St. John Gate. This was not just the home and HQ of St. John Ambulance but also the main base of The Order of St. John and another passion in Lolita’s life, the history of the Order and that which has links to it, among which were the Knights Templar and Hospitallers. Every year Lolita would come here and every year she would revel in its long and varied history, but of course fate would have a lot to say about young Lolita Benoit’s life.

Although not a religious man Boyd would always spend a few minutes paying his respects and quietly contemplating his life in Church when ever he had the chance. Now as Boyd sat in St. Paul’s Cathedral he quietly contemplated his past life and just where it may be going now, after just finishing a major case that had not only affected and rocked his team but also himself he felt it time to ‘take stock’ as it were. Although he was a good man and always did his best to fight for those that had lost their voices, Boyd couldn’t understand why he had been dealt the hand he had, he couldn’t understand why his life had turned out the way it had. 1987 had been the moment things had started to go wrong for him, his marriage was probably already over before this but when his son, Joe started running away from home it had seemingly become the last nail in the coffin for their marriage. In 1988 Joe ran off for good and a year later Mary had left him and they were divorced. Sat wishing his life could be different but feeling like he was ‘unlovable’ Boyd walked out of St. Paul’s and headed off towards the numerous bars and eateries that he would spend the next few hours , trying to claw back some sense in his already messed up crazy life. But fate would of course have a lot to say about how Detective Superintendent Peter Boyd’s life would turn out.

For the past six years Lolita had been doing this and every year she would still feel the nerves deep within the pit of her stomach, it wasn’t like she didn’t know it all it was more a case of wanting to get it right and the fact her father was a perfectionist! As they all ‘fell in’ Gabrielle, her friend and colleague nudged her and pointed over to the solitary figure of a man standing over by the corner of the small park area.

“I wonder what his story is.” Gabrielle always had an enquiring mind and Lolita loved her for it, looking over to the man she noted his cagey appearance and shrugged her shoulders.

“Don’t know but I’m glad I don’t look that unhappy!” Allowing themselves a little knowing smile the two best friends continued to get ready for the rest of their members to get fell in. Moments later they along with the other five hundred or so members of St. John Ambulance started their parade down Long Lane and West Smithfield towards Farringdon Street and then up towards St. Paul’s Cathedral via Ludgate Hill. Trying not to sing along with the band that was by now playing ‘When The Saints Go Marching In.’ Lolita smiled to herself proud of herself and proud of her friends, how was she to know this would soon all change.

Walking back from the Embankment Boyd waved some sort of mumbled excuse and wandered off towards St. Paul’s Cathedral, ok he knew it would hardly help him; he was beyond saving now. He just needed to be there, somewhere else. But of course he needed to get there first, and with his luck he knew that maybe easier said than done.

“Peter, where are you off to?” Grace asked stopping Boyd in his tracks. Grace was the one member of his team he felt closest to, not that it would stop either of them acting professional. Searching for something to tell her that would stop her questioning him and letting him go he turned and let out a sigh before answering her.

“Just for a walk Grace. And no I don’t want to talk about it.” Smiling a smile that would never reach his eyes and before she had the chance to question him, Boyd had turned around and was walking off. Trying to understand her friend Grace gave up after a few moments of watching him walk away and shaking her head she too walked away.

As they entered St. Paul’s both Lolita and Gabrielle sat together next to Lolita’s other friend Andrew in the front row. Feeling her nerves grow again she tried to calm them but without much luck, Andrew noted this and took her hand in his.

“It’ll be fine Lola honey! Just take a deep breath and remember what I told you, picture then all naked!” Smiling but trying not to Lolita looked to Andrew and saw the huge grin on his face, shaking her head she started to relax slightly. As the service started Lolita let her mind drift off to how she had gone from not knowing what she wanted and almost hitting self destruct to where she was now, smiling slightly she felt proud that even after nearly losing everything she could finally do something worthwhile and maybe just maybe she could inspire somebody else to make something of themselves.

“And now, Lolita Benoit, Gabrielle Rossini and Andrew Williams from Northamptonshire St. John will join us and tell us what belonging to St. John means to them.” Fear struck her heart again, as did the nerves!

Showing his warrant card to the woman standing at the doors Boyd quietly slipped inside and watched the scenes unfold in front of him, it had been ages since he had seen this many uniformed people in one room he thought to himself as he smiled at the woman whom he had sat next to. Although he had come here for some peace and solitude he felt slightly and strangely calmed by…. something, he just didn’t know what it was yet. Letting his mind wander back to the case he had just closed Boyd closed his eyes slightly and thought of his life. It had been a nightmare case not just for him but all of the team. All the team knew about Joe running away but only Grace knew about the pain he had been in over all his past. So when the team are called to a young man’s body and they dig further into his life, they all understand that Boyd may not be able to carry out his Policeman duties. Of course he was angry when Grace had said this to him, and of course she was right but he couldn’t let them see that. Or the fact that he was hurting so much still.

“And now, Lolita Benoit, Gabrielle Rossini and Andrew Williams from Northamptonshire St. John will join us and tell us what belonging to St. John means to them.” Boyd’s eyes focused on this young beautiful woman leading another woman and man to the pulpit.

Standing watching her friends talk, well read from the prepared scripts they had all been given Lolita scanned the packed Cathedral. Not sure if or indeed what she was looking for her eyes caught that of a man sat next to her mother right at the back of the altar, he looked lost and like herself searching for something. Moments later she was being introduced and made her way to the pulpit, scanning the prepared speech she had been given she felt it would be false if she just ‘read’ from it and didn’t say what she meant. So putting the speech to one side Lolita scanned the room once more and took a deep breath, smiling at the thought Andrew had left her with she began to speak.

“Although I had a good childhood I was lost and found myself constantly searching for something. I finally found what I was looking for when I joined my local St. John division.” Pausing to collect her thoughts Lolita felt strangely calm and relaxed, taking another deep breath she continued.

He couldn’t explain what he felt or even why he felt it, but there was something about this woman stood talking about being lost and constantly searching for something that spoke to him. She was stunningly beautiful and certainly like no one he had ever seen before, Boyd sat there captivated by this young woman talking and realised he was feeling things he hadn’t felt in a long time. Passion and desire flooded his tired and wiry mind as he say intently listening to this young lady who had captivated him so, his mind started to throw images of the two of them together. What it would feel like to hold her in his lonely arms, to kiss her sweet tender lips. His mind was sharply brought back down to earth by the thoughts of Joe and the nameless bodies he had come across in the previous case. Knowing deep down in his heart that she would never look twice at a man who was by most people standards ‘unlovable,’ Boyd let out an audible sigh and tried to think of anything but what was on his mind.

“My life in St. John has not always been easy and it has come at a price, but I know that thanks to my family and friends I am a stronger person because of my membership in the great organization. I am a better person thanks to this organization, and I truly believe if it hadn’t been for this organization I would have been broken a long time ago.” Pausing to collect her thoughts again she caught sight of the lost looking man at the back of the altar; he was handsome and smart looking with a kind demeanour about him. For a moment Lolita was captivated by this mystery man, how it would feel to be held in his strong arms and looking into his eyes. As her mind was filled with thoughts of the two of them together Lolita tried to banish them to the back of her mind and finally taking a deep breath she was able to continue.

“What belong to St. John means to me is that no matter what I go through and no matter where I go, I will always have friends and colleagues that will save me when I need it and protect me when the occasion arises. And that’s the best feeling in the world.”

Watching as she sat down Boyd was still captivated by this woman he had been intently watching for the past twenty minutes, for some unknown reason he couldn’t take his eyes from her and was just desperate to meet her. As the service finished and all the members and congregations started to leave and mingle Boyd sat and watched her for the longest time, wishing he had the guts to go over and talk to her. Moments later he Boyd watched as she approached him, he couldn’t believe it she was walking towards him and she was smiling at him. Smiling back he felt how his palms became sweaty and his heartbeat started racing, grinning like a love sick teenage as she approached he rose from his seat like a gentleman and went to speak. And he shut up again quickly as he realised she wasn’t coming over to talk to him, within seconds the smile had left Boyd’s face and he tried in vain not to stare at this beautiful woman standing next to him.

As the service finished and people milled around finding each other Lolita stood talking to colleagues and getting congratulated by her peers when all she wanted to do was find her mother. Ok, this wasn’t a hundred per cent true; she also wanted to see that guy again. Finally Lolita was able to seek her mother out, walking over to her she sees the lost looking man sat right there next to her mother. Trying to calm her increasing heartbeat Lolita walked slowly towards the pair of them; in the back of her mind she went through her regular check list and made mental notes. As she got closer the confident person she had been a minute ago all but disappeared as she caught sight of his dazzling brown eyes, smiling at him as she approached him she knew she would never be able to say anything to him. Seconds away from him Lolita dipped her head and walked straight past him and stood talking with her mother, trying to not make it obvious she was dying to find out more about the man by her side.

Fighting a lost cause Boyd let out a loud audible sigh and slowly walked away from what could have been, if only in his mind, his dream woman. As Boyd walked away he took one final look back and caught her eye again, there was no denying in both of them that the chemistry was there but as was always the case Boyd would rather walk away not trying than try and get it wrong. Stepping outside into the bright strong sunshine Boyd closed his eyes and tried to remember this moment knowing it was all he would have and he wanted it to last forever, walking off towards the many bars and eateries he found a table at the nearest one and sat trying to make sense of his crazy and messed up life.

Watching him leave made Lolita sad and she didn’t know why, he was just some stranger she hadn’t even met but as she watched him turn back and took a deep long look in his eyes she felt the chemistry that he too must have been feeling. Not that she was willing or even ready to admit she was still hurting and lonely she stood for a few more minutes talking to family, friends and colleagues before she left her mother and friends to find some peace and solitude. Walking out into the bright warm sunshine Lolita closed her eyes and tried to picture the man she hadn’t even met in her mind, knowing she would never see the man again she pictured his face, his smile, those eyes. Letting out an audible sigh she walked off back towards where this day had all started, St. John Gate.

Feeling like an old letch Boyd couldn’t take his eyes off this woman he was dying to know and when she breezed past him the only thing that came into his mind was following her and trying to find the confidence to talk to her. Feeling like a stalker Boyd paid his bill and promptly followed this young woman who had so clearly captured his broken heart, with every step he felt his heartbeat increase and his palms getting sweatier. God, what am I doing? Was all that went through his mind as he watched her cross the road and enter a bar, seeing her order food and drink then take a seat outside Boyd tried building up the courage to go over and speak to her. He must have stood there for ages before he finally chickened out and sat in the bar across the road.

Sensing someone was following her all the way from St. Paul’s Lolita decided to stop and have lunch first before she continued on to the Gate, so sitting outside the bar she usually used when she was in London Lolita had her lunch and left when she felt she was safe. Not knowing she would soon feel anything but safe, Lolita walked off towards the Gate unaware of just what lay head for her.

He must have spent the past thirty minutes watching and all it took was two minutes! He had taken his eyes away for a few minutes and now she had gone, stopping dead at the thought of what he had just said to himself he realised he was acting more like a stalker than a man searching for the love of his life. Searching around for her he cursed himself for not having the guts to speak to her.

With a sense that she was still being followed Lolita tried to walk a little faster but realised the person behind her was speeding up along with her, fear was all that ran through her mind as she tried to make a run for it. She didn’t make it as she was grabbed from behind by a pair of strong rough hands and arms, and although she tried to let out a scream she was too paralysed with fear and dread to make any sound.

Thinking he heard her scream Boyd could sense she was in danger and he promptly raced off to find her, remembering she was a member of St. John he decided to head off in the direction of their headquarters, St. John Gate. Getting a sick tight feeling deep within the pit of his stomach Boyd was now running to find and save this woman he had never met, realising this woman could be the woman he had been searching for all the years.

Although the fear was immense inside Lolita she tried to fight and scream, but realised that her masked attacker was going to be too strong for her. Begging and pleading with her attacker to stop she felt like she was losing this battle, shutting her eyes and getting ready to give in Lolita suddenly stopped fighting and screaming. There was a moment of silence and then nothing.

By chance Boyd had taken the correct turning and was inches away from the scenes that had, at first terrified him. A masked man stood towering over a young girl who looked very much like the woman he had seen in St. Paul’s, attacking her and about to do goodness only knows what. As Boyd shouted, well yelled for him to back off he ran towards where they both were. Well the man had by now of course run off leaving this young woman fearful for her life and well being.

Thinking she heard a man’s powerful and commanding voice Lolita shut her eyes even tighter for a few more minutes as she adjusted to the fact that she had been abandoned by whoever tried to attack her. As she let her tears fall and tried to stand he was there by her side, cautiously checking she was ok and wasn’t hurt. Neither spoke for a long time but she had noticed his eyes, deep brown and full of passion, Lolita felt safe and that she could trust this man stood by her side.

Seeing the fear in her eyes Boyd smiled and put his hand out towards this frightened young lady so he could help her to her feet, as he did so and she hesitantly took his hand Boyd spoke,

“My name’s Peter Boyd; you don’t need to be afraid of me. I will not hurt you, I am a Policeman.” Helping her to her feet Boyd couldn’t take his eyes from hers there was certainly something about her that Boyd found intriguing and pretty soon he was aware that he started to have feelings for this complete stranger, that thought alone worried him slightly but he wasn’t willing to show his fears just yet. For some reason Lolita felt she could trust this man instantly and even though she was shaken she was comfortable with this man in front of her, as he led her to St. John Gate she spoke,

“Thank you Mr. Boyd, I’m glad you came to my rescue not many would have.” As she spoke the smile in her eyes started to fade as her voice trailed off Lolita was silent as she thought of the last time she nearly lost everything.

As they walked in silence Boyd knew he should just make sure she was ok and then leave but he couldn’t do that, ok if he was honest he didn’t want to do that, he wanted to stay with this stunningly beautiful woman walking next to him and never leave her side he just couldn’t understand why! As they reached the entrance to the Gate Boyd hesitated and sensing his reluctance Lolita smiled and took him by his hand, as they walked inside and passed the time of day to the lady behind the reception Lolita led him around the museum and spent the next hour talking to Boyd as if they had known each other forever, telling of the her past and the things she had seen over the years.

“Things have changed a lot haven’t they?” Boyd said as Lolita showed him how the recovery position and how CPR had changed over the years. Nodding she answered him.

“I can remember when I first joined you would put the casualty in the recovery position with their arm sticking out behind their back. Then after about three changes it went completely full circle and went back to that way!”

After both paused to smile and laugh Lolita added,

“Thankfully they have kept things the way they are now; it’s much better and so much more comfortable!” as they walked and talked both seemed to notice that Boyd had yet to take his arm from around her waist, neither felt uncomfortable and neither would say anything about it but both noticed it. As they kept walking around the museum Lolita shivered and ever the gentleman Boyd instantly took his coat off and placed it around her shoulders, smiling and thanking him they silently continued around the room all the while both being aware of his hand placed protectively on the small of her back. The warmth and pleasure this created deep within each was unmistakable and while neither one was ready to admit feelings of desire both knew if the evening continued it would be something neither could run away from. Boyd just didn’t want this to end and when he had the chance of leaving both were slightly relieved and surprised that he never took it, instead opting for continuing with the tour around the museum and then later a guided tour around the private crypt and church.

Something that was a first for both Boyd and Lolita was the guided tour around the Docwra Gardens, being owned by the Docwra family they were normally private and kept locked but today they were open and both Boyd and Lolita spent a long time just sitting in the gardens basking in the glorious sunshine that was still present and as they sat talking about nothing in particular just life in general Lolita stopped mid sentence and spoke,

“I saw you in St. Paul’s; you were sitting next to my Mum! I knew then when I first saw you we would meet.” Pausing because she wasn’t sure what to say Boyd stepped in and broke the silence filling the atmosphere,

“I so wanted to meet and talk to you Lolita, every since I saw you, you captivated me. I was gutted when you walked straight past me in the Cathedral.” Smiling to himself at how that sounded Boyd closed his eyes and put his head back while taking in the beautiful weather and atmosphere that surrounded him.

As she sat thinking and taking in the atmosphere Lolita didn’t notice the time flying by as soon it was getting time for them to leave and continue the tour, taking the bull by the horns Lolita kissed Boyd on the cheek causing him to suddenly snap his head up and open his eyes.

“Thank you Peter Boyd.” Was all Lolita said as she got up from the grass and headed to the church and crypt where the tour would continue, unsure what he had done or had just happened Boyd quickly followed on. As he caught up with Lolita he pulled her to one side gently and spoke,

“What was that for? That kiss, back there.” Smiling at Boyd Lolita gently touched his face and spoke,

“Just thank you for saving me earlier. And for being a gentleman.” Turning back to face their guide Lolita tried to concentrate on what was being said as Boyd just stood beside her and vacantly smiled not really talking anything in just thinking about how he wanted to be with this woman stood by his side.

Unsure if he should but feeling bold, Boyd took hold of Lolita’s hand as they moved on towards the Crypt, making her feel safe and wanted Lolita held Boyd’s hand back. Watching the two of them listening to their guide and walking around people would assume both were lovers of a long time instead of the strangers they were, Boyd was known for being somewhat cold and unemotional towards people he hardly knew so he couldn’t really explain or understand why he felt so differently around Lolita. While Lolita was the opposite and a very open and caring young lady time and experience had taught her differently, she had been hurt many times before and it was a surprise to Lolita that she could feel so safe and comfortable with a complete stranger. Neither could understand or explain what they were feeling but both were more than happy to silently enjoy these new and exciting feelings, as they moved further into the crypt Lolita shivered again and this time Boyd put his arm around her and pulled her closer to him and into his warm embrace.

Watching over the many visitors to the area was something Jacques De Molay took pride in, the many years he had been a Knight of the world renown Knights Templar and the a member of the Order of St. John had left him in good stead and he was more than able to protect the millions of visitors to the Gate because that was his life and all he had known. During his life Jacques had helped many people and now was no different, ok so he may have been dead for the past five hundred years but since he was seemingly destined to live in limbo he would continue with the way of life he had come to love and enjoy. Watching out for those visitors who needed help and enlightenment Jacques would often show them an answer to their fears, hopes and dreams, but the thing that occupied his time the most was searching for other lost souls that came past his way.

Many other lost souls would come wandering by and each time they did Jacques was always there to lend support or a helping hand where it was needed, but when it came to finding his own peace that was the one thing he could not do or achieve. Maybe the fact that his death was such a violent one or the fact that there was still so much pain and suffering he needed to attend to, but whatever the reason or cause Jacques death would seemingly be as lively as his life had been. As the day had begun Jacques watched as the days events unfolded, watching the next members of the Order to be invested in their own special service in the crypt and then following the thousands of members and their loved ones as they all attended the annual service for St. John Day at St. Paul’s. And now finally after what always seemed like the longest day Jacques could come back home to ‘his’ crypt and relax until the next day and more people to protect and save.

As he wirily made his way back he saw a scared cowering figure of a St. John lady with an evil looking male presence stood towering over her, before he had the chance to intervene a tall powerful strong looking man had come to her rescue. Sensing the pair had a strong connection Jacques decided to follow the two and see what fate had in store for them both. Watching how the two became close and comfortable with each other Jacques felt it only right and fair that he stay and look after them both and as they stood with their guide in the crypt Jacques sensed they both felt his presence in the air and stood back watching the two of them and their relationship grow. As the lights went out and the guide mumbled something about waiting their in the dark while she went to check the power, the pair sat huddled together and talked while Jacques watched over the pair, protectively searching each of their souls to find out more about their ‘stories.’

Sitting huddled together for warmth both wanted to be strong for the other but as the minutes ticked by and outside the world grew darker both started to feel a little less than comfortable about being alone together in the crypt of a church! Although he was a strong man Boyd had to admit that the feeling of being in a dark crypt less than thrilled him and although he had to show he was strong inside his nerves were getting the better of him. Although she was a little nervous and the chill in the air was getting worse Lolita was a lot more calm and relaxed than she would have normally been, maybe it was the fact Boyd was with her or the fact she was in a St. John church and crypt but what ever the reason she wasn’t as scared as she would have first thought. And besides, Boyd had yet to let her go from his embrace she felt more than a little safe when it came to this man holding her. Although the conversation was flowing between the pair neither were saying what was really on their minds.

“Are you cold my love?” Boyd said as he instinctively pulled Lolita closer into his embrace as she shivered.

“A little bit, thank you Peter.” She replied as she snuggled further into his warm embrace, if she was honest though her shivering had a little more to do with her fear than Lolita would care to admit.

“It’s ok my darling, I will warm you up.” Boyd said as he too felt a little less than comfortable being in a darkened crypt, drawing Lolita closer into his arms Boyd wanted to say more but wasn’t sure if this would be the right time. Opting to stay silent for a little while longer both sat silently huddled together for warmth and to combat the fear both were feeling, looking at his watch and realising it had been over thirty minutes Boyd started to wonder where their guide had got to. Sensing the same Lolita spoke,

“Our guide has been gone a while, hope she hasn’t forgotten about us!” Smiling and trying to laugh, both Boyd and Lolita now began talking openly and freely just like they had earlier.

Sensing their fears Jacques took a back seat and left the two alone while he searched for their ‘stories’ and just what they were looking for. Both seemingly looked lost, but now they were sat here together both seemed to be found or at the very least had found what each looked for. The thing now would be to get both to admit they needed and wanted each other, in Jacques experience this was always easier said than done especially when it came to lost souls! His own story was an interesting one to say the least, born in 1244 in an area called Vitrey, a part of Haute Saone, France. At the age of twenty one Jacques joined The Knights Templar, and very quickly rose through the ranks to become the twenty third Grand Master when Theobald Gaudin died.  Instead of public support, however, the Knights attracted the attention of powerful lords, who were interested in obtaining their wealth and power, making Jacques himself a target of those who wished to destroy the Knights and their power.  During years of torture, Jacques continued to be loyal to his friends and Knights. He refused to disclose the location of the funds of the Order and he refused to betray his comrades. On March 18th 1314, Jacques was tried by a special court. As evidence, the court depended on a forged confession, allegedly signed by Jacques. He disavowed the forged confession. Under the laws of the time, the disavowal of a confession was punishable by death. Another Knight, Guy of Auvergne, likewise disavowed his confession and stood with Jacques.

As Jacques thought about his life and how he had come to find himself in this ‘limbo’ as it were he realised that the two ‘lost souls’ he had been over looking had also found themselves in some kind of limbo, maybe it was just what Jacques needed to help save him and maybe they needed saving just as much as he seemed to. Almost an hour had passed by and still their guide had not returned, considering slowly making their way outside and heading home both Boyd and Lolita would spend the next few minutes thinking of reasons ‘not’ to leave the crypt or each others company. As the crypt got darker still Boyd drew Lolita closer into his arms and in the silence both could hear their heartbeats and breathing, each time Boyd took a breath in so would Lolita both almost breathing in unison. As Lolita moved slightly to face Boyd she could sense his own desires were as strong as hers, wanting to bring the subject of their obvious feelings for each other Lolita moved her arm so it was gently draped around Boyd’s waist while she let her hand absentmindedly stroke his side.

Feeling things he long thought had died Boyd took a sharp intake of breath as Lolita continued to raise a deep passionate desire within him. It had been a long time since Boyd had felt these type of feeling, the last time was when he had been dating Jess Worrall. And God only knows that had been a long time ago, thinking of the last time they had seen each other made Boyd smile slightly. It had been a good five years since the pair had split up, a messy split too it had to be said. Their paths had crossed again when Boyd had been handed one of her old cases and the two had helped each other, although things had been difficult at first towards the end of the case the pair started to become friends again. Sensing her own desire was just as strong as his Lolita closed her eyes with his sharp intake of breath; the passion she felt was unlike any she had ever felt before. The only thing to come close was Hank, smiling slightly Lolita let her mind drift back to her past while she continued to stroke Boyd’s side absentmindedly.

Lolita had met Hank through the football; it was the first duty Lolita had attended and as she stood at the top of the ground’s stairs he had come to her rescue. Hank worked for the club and as soon as the pair met both knew they would become firm friends, and true to form both became best friends and almost inseparable. It didn’t take long for Lolita and Hank to become lovers and during their first few months together everything went well for them, but then as the pair moved in together the cracks began to show. After a particularly bad row Hank would be unfaithful and after Lolita found out the pair split and have never really spoken since, this would be one of the many times Lolita’s heart would break and one of the many times things would go wrong for her. But then again Boyd’s life wasn’t that different to her own, especially when it came to heartbreaks and aches. The pain he had felt when his marriage had first started to go wrong was only eclipsed by that of his son Joe going missing for the final time aged sixteen, it was a pain that Boyd would have to find ways to deal with for over fifteen years.

Boyd’s marriage was probably already over by the time he had the affair with Jess and although he felt a deep sense of guilt and regret at the time it was something he needed to give him the distraction he needed. When the Met first started up the Cold Case Unit Boyd was head of his own nick but had hit upon difficult times, especially after losing Joe, his wife and the affair with Jess. As Boyd did his best to run this newly formed unit and cope with his life, he would often find himself torn between wanting to give up and knowing that this was not something he could do. After so many years of the same stagnant pain and life Boyd had felt he’d unjustly been served things had come to ahead with this last case, Lolita too had felt that after so many years of nothing but giving and kindness on her part that the life she had been dealt was less than fair but neither had any clue as to how they should put things right. Maybe now they had met each other the pair could finally find some happiness and some ‘piece of mind,’ it would certainly be about time and was something the pair had been longing for.

Sensing both their pain Jacques watched protectively over these two ‘lost souls’ as he too searched for the same answers he had been constantly looking for since he had been accused and charged with heresy in 1307, almost seven hundred years ago. The self same ‘piece of mind’ that both Boyd and Lolita wanted and needed was the same he had been searching and longing for. While Boyd and Lolita longingly searched for love, happiness and companionship all Jacques wanted was peace and justice from the wrongs he felt had been bestowed upon him. Throughout all of Jacques life he had always tried to do the right thing and be the best he could be, his life had be based upon the same foundations that the Knights Templar’s had been founded upon but as things started to go wrong for him he quickly learned that ‘bad things sometimes happen to good people.’ As Jacques went through all these ‘tests’ his faith seemingly held steadfast and this devoutly religious man would go to his gave cursing those who had condemned him and promising to never rest until he found peace. Maybe this was just what they all needed in their lives.

As the feelings and passions grew in both the once comfortable silence between them had become slightly strained and uncomfortable, both wanted to say something but neither knew what. As Lolita shivered again she cuddled further into Boyd’s arms who instantly pulled her closer and wrapping his arms around her spoke.

“It’s going to get colder; do you think we should make our way outside?” Praying and hoping that she didn’t Boyd tried to do the gentlemanly thing but couldn’t help think about being less than a gentleman and that this moment would last forever. As Lolita brought her head up level to Boyd’s she could just make out the outline of his face, the soft lighting from the candles she could feel his smile. Captivated by the moment and feelings that surrounded them Boyd gently caressed Lolita’s cheek, taking a deep breath he moved swiftly but gently and planted a soft tender kiss upon her lips. Taken aback by not only Boyd’s soft gentle lips but also the overwhelming desire she was feeling deep inside of her soul, Lolita could hardly believe how moved she was by this near perfect strangers kisses or how she reacted to them.

Sensing her own desires was as strong as his own told Boyd that he wasn’t over stepping the mark and it took all of his resolve to fight the urge rising deep within him to not admit he loved and wanted her already, knowing deep down that they should both probably stop neither were ready to pull away just yet and as Lolita sensed another presence in the crypt she shuddered again. Thinking he sensed her passion and desire Boyd continued passionately kissing and caressing her, while the feelings being created in both took hold continued Lolita moved slightly allowing Boyd’s hands to wander further and as these passions and desires grew she felt ready to give herself to him. As Boyd let his passion grow he knew he could no longer deny he wanted and loved Lolita, but as she moved allowing his hands to wander more freely images of Joe and Mary ran through his already overloaded mind. Pulling away a little too quickly or even than was polite Boyd began to mumble some sort of an apology.

“I’m so sorry Lolita, I really like you but this isn’t where or how I want our relationship to start.” Pausing as he realised what he had just said Boyd went to apologise again but was stopped by Lolita’s kiss upon his lips.

“It’s ok, Peter I really like you too.” As the two kissed again it was only the lights coming on and their guide returning that stopped the pair from continuing, as the two continued the tour nothing was said about the kisses they had shared. As the tour ended Boyd walked Lolita slowly back toward St. Paul’s where both hoped their friends weren’t, it was now dark and as the pair walked through the ever darkening streets both knew the evening was coming to an end. As both reached the step of St. Paul’s both felt happy but at the same time sad, both had seemingly shared a moment that would stay with them until their dying day, but both felt the sadness deep within each other that this could; in reality be the last time either ever saw each other again. Silently looking into each others eyes neither cared about the time or their friends only that this moment could last forever.

“Thank you for coming to my aid today Peter, I’m glad we met.” As they held each others hands neither were ready to leave the other.

“I had a great time Lolita; it’s been a long time.” Pulling her back into his arms Boyd planted one last tender long kiss upon her lips before sighing deeply as he pulled away.

At the top of the steps Gabby and Andrew stood waiting for Lolita to return when they spotted her returning from the direction of St. John Gate with a smartly dress tall man, both looked at each other knowingly as they stood back watching their friend and her companion talk and say goodbye. Wondering just where the hell Boyd had got to Grace had been trawling the surround streets of the City since he had walked off so uncharacteristically, of all the people he knew Grace was the one he never shied away from. But now as she tried to find her friend and colleague all kinds of things went through her mind, up to and including the possibility he had gone off the rails after the case they had just finished. At a last resort Grace headed towards St Paul’s and prayed someone had seen him there, approaching she caught sight of Boyd stood with a young woman in a St. John uniform. Grace could tell the two of them were reluctant to part company and she felt this could be something Boyd needed to put things onto prospective. Sensing two other St. John members watching her friend and this young lady Grace walked over and introduced herself. All the three watched their friends say goodbye nobody was aware that they were all being watched by someone else, someone who wanted to make sure that Boyd and Lolita saw each other again; Jacques.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Moonlight Lovers.

Standing looking at myself in the full length mirror in my bedroom I try my hardest to find something positive to say about my dress and looks, but find it almost impossible. I look ok, I guess; I say to myself as I smooth my hand over the soft silk fabric of the deep blue evening dress I had only just purchased that morning. As I slipped the high heels I had also newly purchased on, taking one last long look in the mirror I had a million and one thoughts flood my mind at the same time.

Would he be there? Was I making a complete fool of myself? What if I’m not enough for him? Did he really want me there?

Every time I thought I was getting better my lack of self confidence and self esteem would rear its ugly head and bite me on the ass again! Now, as the night I had long since dreamed of looked to be coming true I was again struck with a bad case of nerves and self doubt what the hell would he see in me? I thought as I tried to calm myself with a small snack. Looking through the bare fridge I realised it was hopeless; I had two options open to me. I could turn up as I was and pray he was there or I could stay in and hide like I normally did. As I stood staring blankly into the fridge the matter was took out of my hands as I heard a knock at the door, walking to my front door I was shocked to find my best friend stood there sobbing her eyes out on my doorstep.

“I didn’t know where else to go Gabby, he’s left me!” She managed to sob through the tears that had clearly been flowing all day, sighing deeply I invited her in and hugged her closely as he tears continued to fall.

It has been three hours and still Sarah was crying, although the sobs had become silent and less heavy there they were still flowing. Although I wanted to be there for my friend, somewhere in the back of my mind I was still thinking about the wonderful man who had asked me to join him that evening at the party.

“I’d be honoured if you would be my guest tonight Gabby, it’s going to be a great party." He had said to me with a soft smile and kind eyes, the ones I had seen many times before but never this closely before. With thoughts raging through my mind I tried to think of my friend but when she noticed my attire after she had stopped crying, she asked me what was happening.

“I’ve been invited to a party with…” Pausing, having no real idea what to call him, I tried to choose my words carefully.

“An old friend from the club. But it’s ok honey, you let it all out.” Hoping it would be enough I went and got us some more coffee, leaving her to composer herself and following me into the kitchen.

“When do you have to be there Gabby?” Sarah asked, as she handed me the milk.

“In an hour, if I go.” I reply honestly, still trying to find a reason to go to the party.

“If it’s him you are going with, you should go.” Was all she needed to say, both of us knowing what the other was thinking right at that moment. Standing there I begun to think about all that I had gone through over the past few months and how he had been there for me through all of it, how when I had been attacked he was the one who became my hero and saved my life. Throughout it all, he had been the one constant thing in my life and although I had feelings for him deep down which I couldn’t explain the ones I could explain were just as strong. When I had needed a friend he was there for me and no matter what, I knew that as long as I kept my feelings closely guarded we could have a great night. Finally making my mind up to go, Sarah dropped me off at the bar and wished me good luck. Smiling and thanking her I said I hoped I wouldn’t need it and left for the party.

Walking into my local bar on any other night would have been easy, but this wasn’t like any other night I had ever experienced and it wasn’t easy. Standing in the doorway, my mind churning I felt a million and one different emotions running through my body all at once and while I tried my best to get them all straight in my mind I had no idea he would be feeling the same way. Sitting at the bar he would be going through hell in his mind, worrying that I wouldn’t turn up and that I wouldn’t want him among everything else that had seemingly become too much for him.

“She’ll be here mate, stop worrying!” John said as he put his hand on Harry’s shoulder and tried to comfort his friend, trying to smile but knowing it would never reach his lips Harry sat there with thoughts running through his already overloaded mind. Stood by the door I watch as John tries to comfort his friend, I am captivated by how uncertain Harry seems. He’s always so confident, I think to myself as I can feel my own nerves begin to calm and steady themselves. Walking over to his side he turns before I reach him, smiling at each other my own sense of relief is relayed in his deep brown eyes.

“You look stunning Gabby…” Harry said after a moment of silence, and kissing me on the cheek he inhaled deeply revelling in my scent.

“I wasn’t sure if you were going to make it or not.” He said, blushing at his own lack of confidence.

“Of course I would Harry; I wouldn’t miss this party for the world.” I replied shyly, touched by his lack of confidence; glad that my own nerves were felt by him too. As the drinks were ordered and we had passed the time of day with each other the silence descended upon us both, leaving us feeling less confident than when we walked in. it was John that became out saviour, as he talked to us both and helped us both to feel at ease.

“It should be a good party tonight; I’ve heard Becks will be there.” John said as he noted the tension in the air, smiling at him I was about to reply when a mutual friend who worked in the bar’s kitchens came running out towards us.

“Gabby, we need you in the back. Jess had cut her hand badly; can you come have a look at it?” Smiling at the fact I seemingly was never off duty; I nodded and followed him back to the kitchen.

“What’s up Harry? This isn’t like you; you’re normally all confident and bold.” John asked the moment I had walked away, causing a small smile to pass over Harry’s lips.

“You know why John, normally I’m the one in control.” Sighing deeply, Harry replied as John nodded; knowing only too well what he was feeling.

“I’ve never felt like this, I don’t know how to deal with it.” He continued, for a few moments both were silent, before John spoke.

“Be honest, tell her the truth and just relax!” Before either had the chance to continue I appeared back at Harry’s side. Running my hand softly up his back slightly caused him to jump slightly; turning to face me slightly there was a moment of silence between us. Nodding to Harry that he should talk to me, John made his excuses and left us alone to talk.

“I’m so glad you have been there for me Gabby, when I lost Tina and the kids I couldn’t have got through it without you.” Pausing to compose himself Harry moved a little closer to me and took my hand in his, before taking a deep breath and continuing unsure where this would all end.

“You know, when my business went through it’s rough patch you were there for me again. I really don’t know what I’d do without you Gabby.” Wanting to say so much more, but unable to as the words got stuck in his throat Harry silently held my hand as he looked anywhere but into my eyes.

“I feel the same way about you Harry…” I started to say as I felt him squeeze my hand lightly, knowing I too wanted to say more I took a deep breath and tried to continue.

“When I got attacked, it was you that I ran to and you that saved me. And when my Nan passed away it was you who I cried on, your shoulder I leaned on.” Pausing again I felt Harry place his hand upon my back as he pulled me slightly into his warm embrace.

“I feel the same way about you Harry, I don’t think I could have made it without you either.” I say as I deeply inhale his scent, feeling how he reacted to my arm going around his waist. I can feel him react and pull me closer as we both relax in each others company, kissing my forehead lightly but lingering for as long as he could Harry spoke.

“It was nothing; I know you would always do the same for me Gabby.” Feeling his genuine warmth and friendship, I felt like I could relax more and let tonight just take its course.

As we travelled to the party and sat down to the meal the conversation was flowing, as always we got on like a house on fire and found ourselves becoming even closer friends than we already were.

“Did you see Stuart having a go at their manager last match?” Harry asked as the first course came up, nodding as I say thank you to our waiter.

“Yeah I did, we were standing close by wondering what he was going to do next. Kay said she’d like to tan his behind and take his football away!” Smiling and laughing we sit and eat while the conversation continues to flow freely.

“How did you get on with that meeting the other day Harry? I remember you said it was bothering you their uncertainty.” I ask as the main course comes up and we thank the waiter again, smiling at the waiter Harry waits a moment before replying.

“Things were ok eventually, I thought they were going to mess me about but it was ok in the end. It’s such a relief though; we have been after the contract for years.” Talking about anything and everything we both felt incredible relaxed with each other, but there was still an underlying feeling that we were avoiding the one thing we needed to talk about most.

As the desserts came and went, neither of us had broached the subject of why we had both turned up to the party. When Harry had asked me to go with him my first thought was it would be as friends, but when he had the chance to take a girl I assumed was his girlfriend and he didn’t I was kind of shocked. It is true that when I first met Harry I fell instantly in love with him, but in all honesty there were very few women that couldn’t fall for him. Six foot two inches with a very athletic and toned build, Harry had handsome boyish good looks that most women would fall for anyway. But when you added his good looks and charm to his sensitive nature and sense of humour, there were very few women who could resist. Harry’s personality would be something else women loved, he was an honest loyal loving old fashioned gentleman and it wouldn’t be long after he lost Tina and the kids that women came calling so to speak. Sitting watching the others dance and get into the swing of the party, I sat with Harry talking about our lives.

“What happened to Lucy? She seemed nice Harry; you could have brought her here with you.” It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be here or that I didn’t want to be with him, but my lack of confidence and self esteem would never allow me to believe that he was here with me because he wanted or liked me.

“Would you rather that?” Harry replied, it wasn’t meant but the coldness and shortness in his tone was easy to spot.

“Don’t you want to be here with me?” He added with sadness and almost disappointment, trying to search his eyes for what he was feeling Harry kept them fixed firmly to the table.

“It’s not that Harry, I just thought you two were an item. She’s nice, she likes you.” I said trying to smooth things over but knowing the damage had already been done, sighing deeply I could tell something was on his mind.

“Yes she’s very nice and I know she likes me, we’re not an item as she’s not who I want.” Was all Harry said, and that’s all it took for my heart to miss a beat.

“I’m sorry Harry, I didn’t mean to…” Letting my voice trail off I knew that anything I said now would not help; I’d already got it wrong.

Smiling and looking at me, for a moment the silence fell between while Harry tried to find the right words.

“It’s ok Gabby, I know what you meant. Lucy was a lovely young lady, just not what I want.” He replied, taking my hand in his and trying to make me feel at ease. I wanted to press further but the moment was lost when John came back over, slumping down next to me I could tell he’d had a little more to drink than he should.

“Hey sexy, wanna dance?” Grinning at me I knew he’d had a lot to drink, but even though I said no I still got dragged to the dance floor. As we danced our way round the floor, laughing with each other and giggling like children I could feel Harry’s eyes on me. All the time I danced his eyes were on me, watching me studying me intently. Both I and John were aware of this and as a slow song came on and we moved into a close embrace as we dance, he spoke.

“You know Harry was really glad you could make it, he wouldn’t have wanted to be here with anyone else.” John said as he moved closer to my ear, inhaling the scent wafting up the nape of my neck. As I hear him sighing slightly I can sense this conversation could take a dangerous turn if I didn’t watch things, pulling back slightly I smile and answer him.

“I’m glad I could make it too, and that Harry invited me. I was a little shy and nervous I admit, but Harry is great at making me relaxed.” I say trying to smile and stop my overactive imagination working overtime, knowing that both I and John couldn’t go down this road especially after the last time. Although when I first met both Harry and John it was Harry I fell for it was John that I dated, not that I didn’t like John too it was just that I wanted Harry right from the start. While Harry was a good friend and happily married it was John that I was getting closer to, and it was John that broke my heart. Not that I would ever let him know that of course! John was known for having a ‘roving eye’ and when I had taken about as much as I could I would confront John, we would fight and he would walk away from me. While it did hurt me and I did feel betrayed I soon realised that I was being a little over protective, especially since he had never strayed. Over the years we would talk and make up, but never again would either I or John ever be able to get back to a relationship with each other. As the song finished I thanked John and walked back to the table, noting how Harry who had been watching me intently seemed to smile more as I walked back to his side.

Before I got the chance to sit down Harry was up off his feet and holding his hand out to me, smiling as he spoke.

“Would you care to dance with me now Gabby?” Nodding I take his hand and follow as Harry leads me to the dance floor, pulling me into his arms as the music starts to play. We dance close and talk, I note how well Harry dances.

“I never knew you could dance so well Harry.” I say as we twirl around and slowly gyrate to the seductive sounds of the amazing live singer called Cat, feeling him pulling me closer as the lights dim even more and the songs begin to slow more. Smiling into my hair as he pulls me close, Harry replied.

“I love dancing, just don’t get the chance to do it as much as I would like to.” Holding me in his arms Harry knows he needs to be honest and tell me what he really feels but actually finding the right words could be easier said than done, sighing I can sense Harry has something on his mind.

“What’s wrong Harry?” I ask as I pull back slightly, noticing the vacant look in his eyes. I began to worry that maybe something was wrong, or that he didn’t want to be here with me anymore. The other thing that went through my mind was the way John had gotten a little too close to me again, I had always had a good relationship with both John and Harry but after I split up with John things always had an ‘atmosphere’ between us all.

“Nothing’s wrong Gabby, I just…” Harry started, having no real idea what he wanted to say. He knew he wanted to tell Gabby he loved her but getting that into the right words could be easier said than done, looking at her he knew in his heart he couldn’t let her walk away tonight without telling her how he felt. Taking a deep breath Harry felt like it was now or never, pulling me close slightly he spoke.

“Take a walk outside with me Gabby? I want to talk, but can’t with the music so loud.” Ok it may have been a little bit of a fib, but Harry knew he could never say what he wanted here and now. Nodding I follow Harry outside of the hall and over to the park across the road, walking in comfortable silence both well aware of the heightened atmosphere surrounding them. Walking through the park I notice the bright moonlight that is shining down upon us, sighing at its beauty I slip my arm through his instinctively.

“It’s a beautiful night isn’t it Harry?” I say, trying to get comfortable with the silence that is surrounding us both.

“Yes it is, very romantic don’t you think Gabby?” Harry replied, trying to find the right words. Not really answering but taking in the beauty of it all we walk over and sit on a nearby bench, sitting closely together.

“Gabby?” Harry started to say; hoping he would be right and that she would reject him and would feel the same way. Turning slightly to face him I noticed how Harry couldn’t look me in the eyes, hoping I was wrong and that he felt the same way I did.

“I meant what I said about not being able to do this without you Gabby; you have been there so much for me.” Pausing to gather his thoughts, Harry took a deep breath and prayed he was right.

“I’m glad you could make it tonight also, I was worried that you wouldn’t want to be with me. It’s been a long time Gabby; I am a little out of practise here!” Seeing his smile I can sense that he’s trying to stop his nerves and make him feel more at ease, wanting to say something and put him at ease I take his hand in my own and go to speak.

“Please Gabby let me finish, I need to say this. When I said it wasn’t Lucy I wanted to be here with I meant it, it’s you.” Taking a deep breath he goes to speak again but finds the words get stuck in his throat, staring back out over the moonlit park trying to calm himself.

“What are you telling me Harry?” I ask, hoping that he feels the same way I do.

Sighing and taking a deep breath while still trying to find the right words Harry lets go of my hand and gets up from the bench, walking over to the side of the lake. Watching the moonlight dance across the water Harry got lost in the moment trying to find the words to say I love you he never noticed I had walked over to his side and was now stood slightly behind him, looking out over the same moonlit lake taking in its silent beauty. I can hear his deep sighs as I realised he was trying to find the correct words to say how he felt, and although I had hardly any confidence or self esteem I felt that maybe; just maybe he felt the same way about me. Should I risk it and say something? I thought to myself, it would be the first time I had ever been bold and said how I felt. Even when I was seeing John, I never once told him how I felt first because I never could. Taking a deep breath I spoke, hoping to find the courage from somewhere deep inside.

“Dance with me Harry?” Looking at me questioningly Harry turned to face me, holding my arms out so he could take me in his own. Nodding Harry pulled me into his arms and we started to sway gently to the music in our minds, letting the mood and the romance of the evening wash over us. Feeling the emotions of the evening washing over him, Harry took a deep breath and went to say the words he’d been longing to say even since the two had first met.

“Gabby, I’ve been longing to tell you how I feel. Every since we first met I have wanted to tell you I like you a lot and want to be with you.” Wanting to say those three words Harry sighed at only being able to say that he liked her, loosening his arms and grip from around her waist he prayed she wouldn’t back away.

“I feel the same way about you Harry, it was you I wanted and you I wished I could have been with. You must know by now that I have fallen for you?” There I had said it, I had told the truth. Staying in his arms we both stood still, facing each other our hearts beating as one. Silence surrounding us, neither needing to speak our eyes conveyed all they needed to say.

“Oh God Gabby, I feel the same way! I have been in love with you since we first met.” Harry now felt able to say as he pulled me closer into his warm embrace, cupping my face in his hands gently he lays a soft tender assault of light kisses upon my lips. Slowly the kisses became more passionate and longer until we softly kissed a true lovers kiss, feeling and hearing him moan slightly against my lips made my own desire rise. Feeling his passions and desire growing caused me to shiver, pulling away he spoke.

“Are you cold my love? Here take my jacket.” Taking the jacket from around his body Harry wrapt it around my cold body, feeling loved as he gently kissed my forehead.

Taking me by the hand Harry led me off back toward the hall and hotel that would be our accommodation for the evening, smiling to the doorman as we walked inside. Assuming we would be going for a quiet drink I was almost disappointed when we headed to the elevator, then moments later I was shocked as me headed straight for the top floor knowing that neither of our rooms were here.

“Where are we going Harry?” I ask as he just smiles at me and tells me to wait, chuckling to himself when I pull a face that says I can’t wait. Walking out of the lift Harry takes me by the hand and we head off in the direction of the penthouse suite, stopping at the door he takes a silk blindfold from his pocket and questioningly moves towards me. Nodding I turn slightly so Harry can blindfold me, after doing do he leads me forward as I assume we are heading inside the penthouse suite.

“Just a little further my darling, and then we can take the blindfold off.” Harry’s words sooth me and make me feel strangely calm and serene and as I came to a stand still I didn’t feel as scared as I thought I would, even when Harry let go of me for a few moments I was still amazingly calm and relaxed.

Taking the blindfold from my eyes, Harry stood holding me in his arms from behind as I adjusted to my surroundings. The room was decked out with scented candles and soft music playing in the background, although the room was very minimalist in it furnishings what it did have made it feel very cosy. There was a balcony where the double doors had been opened and the moonlight shone inside, a table sat with two chairs and my favourite wine sat chilling in the cooler sat upon the table joined with two lead crystal cut glass glasses. Feeling the romance of the night overwhelming my already overloaded thoughts I shivered again, causing Harry to pull me closer and kiss my neck gently.

“You should see our bedroom my dear sweet Gabrielle” Harry soft accent seemed to be smoother as his softly continued to caress my body and kiss my neck, leaning into him I close my eyes and just get washed away with the emotions of the evening. Taking me by the hand a leading me to the balcony Harry pours us a glass of wine each and as we stand watching the moon shining bright in the sky I can feel myself fall further in love with the man stood there searching my eyes.

“Here’s to a long and most passionate romance.” Harry says as he raises his glass in a toast to our relationship, knowing it could never feel wrong I join in the toast as I stare out over the beautiful view from our balcony. Taking my hand in his after we had finished our drink, Harry leads me off to our bedroom. Inside I find there’s more scented candles in here, a king size four poster bed with silk sheets that are covered with red and pink rose petals. Feeling Harry’s kiss upon my neck I again shiver at his touch, safe in his arms I give myself to him as I had wanted to do so many times in the past, finally feeling whole once again.