Lying in his arms there was a million and one thoughts running through Sarah’s mind, while he caressed her softly his mind was full of fear worry and regret. What if she doesn’t want me? What if I’m not enough? What if she regrets it?
Was all he could think as he tried to slow his heartbeat and sooth his fears, hoping she didn’t regret it and that she’d want to stay. The silence began to get unbearable but neither seemed willing to break it, so as they lay there both let their minds drift back to when they were just friends still. Turning slightly so her back was leant against his chest Alex boldly pulled her into his embrace, thankful that she didn’t pull away from him Alex closed his eyes and began to think of how the two had first met. Hearing him sigh deeply she too laid thinking about how the two had gotten to this point in their lives, closing her eyes Sarah lay listening to the rain fall outside for a few moments before drifting off into her dream filled sleep.
The lowest moment of her life and Sarah felt as though the whole world had walked out on her, I’ve lost everything she thought to herself as she sat staring at the knife in her hands. The rape, the bullying, the attacks, the lovers all flooded Sarah’s mind with the hurt and pain she couldn’t bare anymore. Wanting the pain to stop and the hurting to be over Sarah ran the cold blade softly across her wrist, shivering as steel met flesh. It’s easy, just do it. Sarah thought to herself as she ran the cold steel across her wrist a little firmer this time, wincing slightly as she felt it almost tear the skin. Sitting in the cold dark alleyway the last attack Sarah had suffered had been the final straw, as her attacker had pulled the knife to do goodness knows only what to her she had lost it completely. Grabbing the knife from his hands Sarah’s pretty brown eyes were filled with pain and hurt, and as the tears started to fall all the pent up emotions and anger she had been feeling since she was a child came flooding out.
“Come on then you bastard, come and attack me! Hurt me you asshole, come on!” She yelled as the torrent of abuse came flowing out of her, holding the knife in her hands Sarah had the cold sharp blade pointed to her neck as she watched the fear in her attackers eyes right before he ran for the hills.
Today was much the same as any other day for Alex, he got up the same went to work the same and did all the normal things he would do. But for the past eighteen months he had done all this on autopilot, since losing his wife Penny he had be so devastated by it all it was all he could do to survive what life threw at him. Today Alex was due to teach a group of consultants how to get the best out of their employees, sighing deeply it was just another thing he didn’t want to do but knew he had no choice but to go. Having just about managed to get himself up the rest seemed to be a blur because the next thing Alex knew he was climbing out of his car and getting ready to head off, taking his briefcase from the boot and locking his car Alex headed off to make the short journey from the car park to the companies offices a few streets away. On any other day this journey would take Alex all of three minutes but like he had become accustomed too, today took him the long way round. He couldn’t help himself; he needed to be close to Penny again. Although his mind was full of the incident and then her accident, Alex could see her as clear as day; it was as if she was standing next to him as he stood at the entrance to the alleyway. But as his mind cleared he was alerted to someone’s distress with the faint sobbing he could hear close by.
As he approached Sarah looked up to see this stranger coming at her, gripping the knife tighter she never realised until it was too late she had already tore the skin on her wrist. At first it didn’t hurt and she never noticed until she saw his eyes travel from her face to her wrist, following the strangers eyes she saw the blood and then felt the shock and pain overwhelm her.
“My names Alex, I’m a first aider what’s happened?” Sarah just about heard him say as she could feel herself drifting into unconsciousness, as he approached his soft voice seemed to reassure her that she would be safe with him and within moments the stranger had begun to tender to the wound. Silence surrounded them for a long time as Sarah lay there drifting in and out of unconsciousness and trying to sort the mess of her life out; as he spoke she looked up into his eyes for the first time and quickly became captivated by them.
“Tell me what happened my love, who made you do this?” His voce was so soft and reassuring Sarah just knew instantly that this man wouldn’t hurt her, looking up into his bright blue piercing eyes she took a deep breath and began to tell this kind stranger what happened.
“I was attacked again; some man took my bag and then pulled the knife on me.” Sarah felt strangely at ease in this man’s company and wanted to say more but found the words got stuck in her throat.
“But why do this to yourself sweetheart?” Alex said as he finished dressing her wound the best he could, wanting to take her in his arms and take her pain away Alex felt useless but couldn’t stop himself from reaching out to her instinctively pulling away at the last moment. Holding out his hand to her she cautiously took it and was helped to her feet lingering for as long as he could Alex held her hand and asked again why she’d hurt herself, it was her answer that scared him the most and made it almost impossible for him to let go of her hand.
“Because I wish I was dead, I wanted to kill myself.” As her words left her mouth it was like all the emotions pain and hurt had been lifted slightly, not being able to hold it in any longer she began to weep uncontrollably. Not being able to stop himself Alex had taken her into his arms and silently begun to weep for her pain, for Penny and for his own pain. They two strangers stayed like this for a long time, weeping into each others arms not able to stop their grief from showing. As their tears began to slowly dry Alex instinctively brought her face to his and cupped it in his soft hands, smiling the smile of an angel he softly spoke.
“Do you need to talk my dear?” Nodding she was touched at how he tenderly spoke and wiped away her tears softly, pulling away and holding his hand out she hesitantly looked for a moment before taking it and allowing him to lead her away and back to his warm dry car.
Sitting in his warm dry car Sarah was sat in silence, cold and frightened but she felt strangely calm in this stranger’s presence. Shaking through the cold Sarah watched as he took the jacket he had on off and wrapped it around her shoulders, smiling slightly at him and his kindness she felt like she could tell him anything and he would listen to her.
“Do you want to talk my love?” His soft voice was full of kind compassion; looking round to him Sarah was met by his bright blue eyes and felt ready to share everything with someone. Taking a deep breath Sarah began to tell this perfect stranger how she came to this point in her life, watching how he took her hand in his as she spoke.
“My life’s a mess, I just wish it was over and then the pain would stop…” As Sarah began to talk she felt like a weight was being lifted from her shoulders, and strangely she could feel a change inside of her that she couldn’t explain.
“… and this attack just became too much for me to take. I just want it to all be over; I want the pain and tears to stop!” As Sarah finished tell her story, the silence was deafening, but although she felt sad her tears wouldn’t fall. Moving his free hand to her face he turned her head to face his and gently stroked her cheek, sighing he went to speak but found he couldn’t. He just pulled her gently into his arms and held her closely as she felt the waves of emotions hit her, whispering soft reassurances into her hair over and over again. From that moment on the two became best friends and would never leave each other, silently promising to always be there for each other.
Not really being able to sleep Sarah sighed deeply and opened her eyes, realising she was still lying in Alex’s arms and still in his bed. Feeling his breath upon her neck she could tell he was wide awake too, feeling him sigh deeply Sarah shifted her weight slightly causing him to wrap his arms around her and speak.
“Are you ok Sarah?” Was all he could say, feeling the guilt deep down inside he prayed she was alright. Trying to pretend she was still asleep Sarah silently held her breath for as long as she could, before she felt Alex’s lips softly graze her neck. Shivering Sarah felt things inside of her that she never thought she could ever feel, sighing deeply she too a deep breath and spoke.
“I just…” Sarah started, having no real idea of what she was about to say.
“I don’t know where this leaves us Alex.” Sarah continued after a few moments to gather her thoughts, leaning into his arms as she tried to make sense of it all. Yesterday had all been so different, for them both it was true but now she found herself lying in the arms of her best friend. Not being able to understand why she didn’t feel guilty or what was going through here mind, all Sarah was sure of was that she may have just lost her best friend; and that scared her more than anything.
“I know Sarah I know, this wasn’t exactly planned you know! I wasn’t expecting to end up in bed with you…” Before he had the chance to go on Sarah moved and went to get up, grabbing him shirt that lay by her side of the bed and putting it on. Getting up and heading for the bathroom, Sarah spoke trying to understand what she was feeling.
“And you think I did? Come on Alex I know I’m the last person you’d want to end up in bed with, and I can assure you this wasn’t something I planned either!” As she stood in the bathroom, looking into the mirror Sarah couldn’t explain where those words had come from. All she knew was that deep down somewhere inside of her she not only felt she’d lost her best friend but that what had happened was; if only in his mind was a huge mistake. Splashing water upon her face Sarah stared blankly into the mirror again and begun to think about her past, in particular how Alex had always been there for her during the good times and bad. Whatever she went through Sarah always seemed to know that after that day when she met Alex she’d never go through it alone again, she had believed that it was the same way for him. But now as she thought about last night Sarah realised that it may all be over for their friendship, as she may very well be looking at fighting alone once more.
The day had started off like pretty much all the rest over the past seven years, it had become somewhat of a traditional ritual between the pair. Having both been left more than a little broken hearted by lovers in their pasts it was always the same for both Sarah and Alex on Valentine’s Day, loads of people all loved up and rubbing salt into their wounds. As the two friends sat that first Valentine’s night in their local bar seven years ago, surrounded by lovers wooing each other they both made a pact that neither would spend another Valentine’s Day alone and nor would they feel hurt by those surrounding them. Laughing like children and acting like they were already lovers both Sarah and Alex would spend that Valentine’s Day together enjoying each others company, and would continue to do so until that day when it all seemed to change. As the two friends met for coffee before they went for lunch everything was like normal, the mood was light and the laugher deep; neither could have known that things would end the way they did. As they sat in the restaurant having lunch the atmosphere was geared more towards their long standing friendship than anything else, both laughed and joked like they never had a care in the world. Even as the two took the short journey home neither could have ever known that things would end the way they did.
Sitting there in silent shock Alex realised that she most probably regretted last night and wished it hadn’t happened, sighing deeply he tired to piece together the shattered bits of his life and heart as he started to dress realising in all honesty he couldn’t and didn’t want to. All that really went through Alex’s mind was that the women he loved and cared for more than life itself would never speak to him again, thoughts of losing Sarah and her friendship ran through his mind and if he was honest it scared the hell out of him. All the times she had been there for him when he had needed her, all the happiness and laughter that he felt and filled his life flooded his already overwhelmed thoughts. Thoughts of how wrong and far off the mark she was began to enter his mind, she thinks I don’t want her made him realise the pain he thought he’d taken away was still there. Alex sat on the edge of his bed and trying to find the right words to explain how he felt, when Mark came in.
“Dad, I’m off into town is there anything you want?” He’d managed to say before he saw the state of undress his father was in and the items of clothing scattered around the bedroom floor, blushing as soon as he realised and quickly made his excuses and left leaving Alex with just his thoughts of last night for company.
As they got back to his Alex fixed them both a drink and the pair sat down to watch all the old slushy movies they could, laughing and mocking them as they watched. Curling up together Sarah couldn’t stop feeling a little emotional as they watched the end of that great classic love story Casablanca, and as she tried to hide her tears she felt truly touched as Alex pulled her close and gently caressed her back. She was touched too at how Alex had to hide his own tears as they watched City of Angels, as the two friends watched more romantic films both felt relaxed and comfortable together. Snuggling into his arms the pair watched Ghost Sarah sensed a changed but couldn’t place it, Alex felt the same changed too but couldn’t explain it ether. Watching Sam and Molly on the pottery wheel causes a desire deep within both Sarah and Alex that neither could deny, burying her head in his chest Sarah does all she can to fight these feelings. As they watched Sam dance with Molly through Oda Mae Alex almost instinctively kissed Sarah’s forehead, not realising until he’d done it or just what it or would unleash in the pair. Feeling a shiver go up her spine Sarah lifted her head so her face was level with Alex’s, smiling the pair were about to talk but both went back to watching the film after chickening out. As the film ended and their tears fell both Sarah and Alex were inches away from each other, turning to face him she was about to speak but as he hushed her lips Alex wiped away her tears before going to speak.
“Sarah…” Alex started to say before he was stopped by Sarah’s soft fingers upon his lips, his piercing blue eyes searching deep into her soul through Sarah’s deep brown eyes.
“Hush Alex, don’t speak.” Sarah boldly said as she searched his eyes, looking for the answers she had longed to find.
“I never got my Valentine’s Kiss.” Sarah continued as she playfully giggled and kissed Alex’s cheek, feeling the change she then softly laid a light kiss upon his lips while lingering slightly. Within seconds the mood had changed and both could not only sense it but also feel it, wanting to pull away neither found they could. Finally pulling back the two friends sat their in silence, their heartbeats racing and emotions reeling. Feeling a passionate desire rise within them both that neither could deny it was Alex that made the first move this time, softly kissing Sarah upon the lips with a passion he never knew he had within him still. With a desire she didn’t think she still had Sarah kissed Alex back for all she was worth, and as the passion and desire grew in both something just felt right for them both and as they crossed the line of no return both knew it was what they wanted. Softly caressing her Alex felt that this could never be wrong slowly kissing his way down Sarah’s body, feeling how she reacted to his touch. Pulling back Alex went to ask if Sarah was sure, nodding before he had the chance he picked her up in his arms and carried off to his bedroom.
“One Kiss…” Alex half thought and half said, as he heard the bathroom door open.
“It was just one kiss!” Alex said a little louder as Sarah came and sat on the edge of the bed, her back to his trying to make sense of it all.
“I know Alex… This wasn’t something I planned.” Sarah said after a while of silence between the pair, both wanting to say so much more but finding the words got stuck in their throats.
“I should go Alex…” Sarah started, knowing deep in her heart it was the last thing she wanted. After all she had been through the only one to love her and be there for her was Alex, losing him was the last thing she wanted. Losing her was the last thing Alex wanted, she was his life and one of the only good things he had left to live for.
“I don’t want you to go Sarah; we need to talk about this still.” Alex said as he put a hand on her arm to stop her from getting up, still trying to work it all out in his own mind.
“I know we do Alex, I just can’t handle losing my best friend because of a kiss that was just for fun…” Sarah started to say but before she could continue Alex had cut her off, almost raising his voice at her.
“Is that was it was to you Sarah, just a bit of fun? That kiss meant nothing to you then, is that what you’re telling me?” The hurt was clearly evident in his voice and as Sarah turned to look in his eyes, for the first time Alex’s eyes were dark and cold.
“Alex…” Sarah begun to say, seeing how he just looked through her. As he rose from the bed Sarah’s heart sank, still unsure where this would end up. Trying not to let her pain, hurt or tears show Sarah turned away and sighed deeply.
“Oh Alex, is that what you really think of me? You know that isn’t me!” Watching him disappear into the bathroom Sarah could no longer hold her tears back, crying into his pillow she felt like she had just lost everything again. As Alex splashed water upon his face and looked into the mirror he could see his own heartbreaking, walking back into the bedroom his eyes focused on Sarah crying upon his bed. Instinctively Alex went to her side and reached out to caress her, pulling back for a moment she looked into his eyes and watched how quickly they changed.
“I’m sorry baby; I didn’t mean to make you cry. You mean the world to me, you know that! The last thing I want to do is hurt you, I just don’t want to lose you.” Alex said as he softly wiped away the tears Sarah had let fall, going to speak Sarah shushed his lips and spoke.
“I don’t regret last night Alex; it wasn’t just a bit of fun to me! I just don’t to lose my best friend either; I’d be lost without you.” Pulling herself up upon her elbows and looking deep in his eyes there seemed to be an unasked question hanging in the air, one that both needed to answer but one that neither could.
“So where do we go from here Sarah?” Alex was finally able to say, searching Sarah’s eyes for some sign that she too wanted the same as he did.
“One day at a time?” Was all Sarah could say, as she too searched his eyes.
“Baby steps my darling baby steps, I will never hurt you.” Alex said as he gently pulled Sarah into his arms, holding her there hoping this would never be wrong. Pulling back slightly Alex softly kissed Sarah, feeling the passion rise deep within them once more she moaned softly against his lips. Falling back upon the pillow Alex began to caress Sarah slowly again softly kissing his way all over her highly sensitive body, a soft moan escaping from her lips as her desire grew.
“Oh Alex…” Her lips and body grew hungry for his touch and soft caresses, their passion could no longer be fought.
“I love you Sarah, you’re my life. Stay with me?” Alex finally felt able to say, as he kissed her softly once more.
“Oh Alex, I love you too. I will never leave your side, forever Alex forever.” Sarah managed to breathlessly whisper as his every touch and kiss took her breath away, holding him close as their desire and passion became stronger; giving herself to him once more they both knew this was going to be forever.