Tuesday, October 20, 2009


As daft as it might sound, I wish you had been there with me that night; we would have fun regardless of if we could draw or not. The company would always be welcomed, as would the hugs... saying nothing for how much I would like to have my hand on your knee again! (Yes I know!! So sue me!!!)

I still cannot believe you did not move my hand or seemingly mind that lunch, you have no idea (or maybe you do!) what that did to me... if it was not bad enough my hormones were already overactive, how was I meant to handle that too! (And in front of those we shared coffee with? Damn it man!)

I supposed I should not be shocked really, I mean I am after used to you married guys! Why does that happen? I really did not go out of my way (until now) to get close to you!! Your friend maybe, but not you!!! You were always meant to be the nice cuddly chap who was his mate, not someone I actually thought about in that way! That is just not fair sport you know hun!!

I admit part of me wants to “go there,” on the whole and for the most part; I know that I cannot... unless of course you want to tell me otherwise! (Hey you cannot blame a girl for trying can you!!) So here is the killer question, wanna come to our Christmas shin dig? (Gotta get me a Christmas kiss haven’t I now? Again, can’t blame me for trying!!!)

Maybe I should not be saying any of this, (I suspect not) let alone feeling this; maybe I am just not thinking straight... but then if you think about my crushes of late, is it any wonder? I know you are married but sometimes I just want to... well, you know. And I would not normally say this, but damn you being married... and I have to admit I am shocked by that thought.

Now don’t get me wrong, you are a total sweetie; you are kind and funny. Intelligent and easy to talk to, I love the feeling for your arms around me and you have the most stunning blue eyes! (And just to clarify things, because I know you are thinking it; it is NOT you Robin!) If I am being honest, I think you are the kind of guy who could more than likely make me happy...

I don’t know if it would be all hearts, flowers, romance and poetry; it does feel like that sometimes. And I am sure there would be problems too, your age and being connected to “them” not least of our problems. Maybe we would not get on, we seem to get on as we are; but what about when you bring the physical side into things?

You know me, I would be more than happy with the cuddles and affection side of things, I was never the “swinging from the chandeliers” type of girl was I now? But in a way, that is my whole point isn’t it? You do know me better than most, don’t you? You know I am not the type of girl who will (despite what people might think) jump into bed with just anyone, or indeed give her heart to just anyone; I am the “cuddle up on the sofa and watch TV or talk with” type of girl that gives her heart to very few people.

Maybe that is why I liked (notice the PAST tense there!) Robin? A sweetheart, but totally unobtainable for me... and for the record I did always know that, I would have never gone there! I guess if you give away an already broken heart to someone who cannot do anything with it, it’ll not get broken again? Okay it won’t get fixed either, but then the fixers are hard to find; especially the single ones!

And when I finally DO find single guys (scrap that, men!!!) that have the potential to fix it all; they invertible end up being the wrong ones in one way or another! God I could actually write a book on all the crap luck I have with guys; guys like those two “nice” (and I use the word loosely) councillors! The less said about them the better if I am honest, but then you knew that didn't you!!!

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