Monday, June 23, 2008

Birthday Wishes...

In my dream it is my 30th birthday and my best friend Pete has helped arrange a party down in London with my folks, inviting everyone I knew, we take up the whole of Somerset House and also the Queen Mary which is moored on the Thames nearby. My best friends are there, also my friends from the Waking the Dead forum. We are all having a blast and I just love the night, but there is still part of me that won’t let go and can’t have fun. All my friends are so happy and most have their partners with them, I feel the twinges of sadness and pain inside and it makes me wish I could be anywhere but here. Closing my eyes and swallowing the lump in my throat away, I try to think happy thoughts but they are disturbed by my friend Lisa screaming into my ear.

“Oh my God, look! It’s Grace!!” Yanking my arm up and down, my eyes move to where she is pointing and I can see Sue Johnston walking towards the bar, before I have the chance to say anything she is rushing over to her closely followed by some of my other friends. Rolling my eyes to my best friend Tina I go to say something but see the change in her eyes and I can tell something else has caught her eye, as I follow her gaze, I see Trevor Eve walking in and heading to the bar where Sue is. I feel something stir inside of me and I try to calm my nerves by swallowing hard. Tina senses this and slowly leads me outside, gesturing to Jayne to smooth things over.

As we walk outside and head towards the Queen Mary Tina takes my arm in hers and I know instantly why she does it, smiling at her shyness I tell her it’s ok as we head to the moored Queen Mary.

“Its ok you know hun? If you want to go chat him up, go for it hun! You just know that I can’t!” As we find ourselves somewhere to sit there is silence between us, giving us both time to think. The reason Tina and I had become friends and got on so well is that we both liked Waking the Dead and Trevor so much, I knew that she was more confident than I so when she got the chance to chat to him I was surprised when she didn’t take it. She was about to answer when Jayne comes and joins us talking about Lisa and how she was chatting to Sue and how Jess was trying to chat Trevor up, we all started to laugh as Jayne started to joke around and take them off rolling our eyes me and Tina couldn’t stop laughing.

“Is this a private party or can anyone come join in?” We hear a deep voice say as I feel his hand gently placed upon my shoulder causing me to freeze momentarily. Before I had the chance to say anything Jayne had moved over and invited him to sit next to us, smiling at both of us as she did. Smiling and trying to laugh at her boldness we both give each other a look that we both know means tonight could be a long night.

“So who’s the birthday girl Jayne?” Trevor asks as he looks from me to Tina, smiling as Jayne told him it was me.

“Ahh, happy birthday my darling.” He said as he kissed my cheek, lingering for as long as he could inhaling my scent as subtly as he could. Trying to stop myself from shaking and my nerves from rising I have to take a deep breath and hold it in for a moment. Tina thankfully noticed and managed to take some of the pressure off me by starting to chat away. To be honest as I sat there, I could hear Tina and Jayne talking to Trevor and I could hear him replying but I had no idea what they were actually saying! Sitting there I tried my best to focus and found that I couldn’t, seeing my unrest, Tina put her hand on my shoulder and asked if I was ok. Shaking my head, I got up and said I needed to stretch my legs. Heading off to the other side of the deck I tried to calm myself and as I walked over to the stern of the ship I can feel this happen as I stare absent mindedly out over the River Thames, not really thinking just taking it all in. As I begun to think about my past I could feel the lump in my throat forming and quickly tried to swallow it away, feeling a soft warm hand upon the small of my back I jump slightly as the same deep voice whispers softly into my ear.

“Don’t I get to chat with the beautiful birthday girl?” Shivering at his words and feeling him softly caress the small of my back; I have to take a deep breath trying to calm my nerves.

As I try to turn and speak he holds me fast against his solid chest, wrapping his arms around my waist. Sighing deeply into my ear I can feel the change in the air and can sense that this evening isn’t going to end here, feeling his hot breath upon my neck send shivers up my spine. Feeling me shiver against him he pulls me closer and begins to gently stroke my sides, although I enjoy it my past had taught me to block any enjoyment I began to feel so I shut myself off and he can sense the change. Pulling away he goes to speak but is saved by Tina coming over to us and speaking, touching my arm as she speaks.

“Hun, you ok? Me and Jayne are going to head back to the bar, get some more drinks. Want anything?” Looking to first me and then Trevor, we both say no and I go to walk away but find his hand take my arm gently stopping me from following.

“Stay talk to me for a while please? What’s your name? Jayne didn’t say.” Smiling at him I take a deep breath tell him who I am as we take a seat where we are, noting how he can’t take his eyes from my body.

“I’m Gabby, pleased to meet you Mr. Eve.” As we sit I hold my hand out and as he takes it I can feel the sparks fly, looking up into his brown eyes I am captivated.

“Pleased to meet you too Gabby, and please call me Trevor! I hate all that Mr. Eve stuff, makes me sound like I’m full of my own self importance.” Smiling back at me we laugh and I begin to relax more, even allowing myself to get myself comfortable in the chair I am sitting in.

Sitting close together me begin to talk openly and freely about our lives, hopes and dreams.

“So, how come you are having your party here? Your not from London are you, I can’t tell where you accent is from.” He says as he holds the beer bottle in his hand up in almost a toast, smiling I do the same as I answer.

“I’m from Northampton, but this was easier for all my friends to travel to. What about you, how come you’ve kinda gate crashed?” Smiling at how I sounded I quickly had to add that I didn’t mind, chuckling he told me how he’d just finished filming for the next series of Waking the Dead and someone told him there was a party. We sat talking about the latest series and how he felt this could be the last one, smiling at how I said it was a shame.

“Boyd needs a fitting ending I think.” I start to say as he moves slightly closer and asks me what I’d like to see happen, settling myself so I am closer to him I continue.

“He needs to either be killed off or find his son and meet someone. He’d never just retire, it would kill him all that time and nothing to do but think.” As we continue to talk I feel myself relaxing even more in his company, after all the years of hurt I had gone through it was great to finally be able to just talk and be open with someone.

“You seem distant sometime Gabby, what’s the matter?” His words brought me out of my thoughts and I smiled, trying to find the right words.

“How long have you got?” I laugh, trying to cover my nerves and the pain I was still feeling. Reaching to take my hand to try and comfort me, I pull away and Trevor instantly moves his hand away asking me what’s wrong.

“It’s not you, just things are complicated. That’s all, things are very complicated.” I say as I try reassure him its not him and that his company is wanted. Smiling to myself I think about something Tina said about a dream she had, after taking a deep breath I thought what the hell to myself and spoke.

“I’ve lost my teddy bear and can’t sleep; will you sleep with me tonight? I need to feel safe.” Trying to keep a straight face I can sense he isn’t able to, and as he laughs I start to join in too.

“Gabby, are you coming on to me?” Laughing out loud, he holds his sides as I just shrug my shoulders.

“Oh hun, that’s a new line on me! But, yes I could use some safety and comfort too!” One minute we are smiling and laugh the next he has laid a tender kiss upon my cheek, causing me to turn slightly to face him. Seconds later his lips have laid a gentle soft kiss upon my lips, as my heartbeat increases I feel mind body go numb and mind go blank as I try to enjoy his kiss upon my lips.

Pulling away slightly I can feel his breath upon my lips still and a smile forming on his own lips, as my heartbeat slows slightly all I can do is breath as time stands still.

“Are you ok Gabby?” Trevor soft whispers, with my emotions still numb I nod but know the words won’t come up even if I tried. As I slowly open my eyes I know it’s Trevor in front of me but its not who I see, I can see the eyes and face of the man that hurt me so much. As Trevor reaches out to gently caress my cheek he can see me want to pull away and the fear in my eyes, not pulling away he soft caresses my cheek and asks me what’s wrong again.

“Who hurt you so much Gabby?” His soft words and touch soothing my pain away, as I sat trying to find the words I had inside me. Looking into his eyes I could see concern and a softness I wasn’t expecting, it was as if he wanted to be here and wanted to know. Taking a deep breath I begin to tell him about my past and how I had been hurt, touched at how he took my hands in his and never let go.

“… He really messed with my head. But then he wasn’t the first and doubt he’ll be the last! Guess I just have to deal with it.” Looking into his eyes I see the smile in them and feel so calm and relaxed amazed at how easily I can open up to an almost perfect stranger.

“I know some of what you are feeling, things are never easy. Not even for me, I have the same kind of problems as most other people. Its just that I’m not able to share them as easily as most people, that’s why I’m glad I’m here with you.” Seeing his genuine smile I know he means what he says, captivated by his eyes again I don’t notice time passing us by feeling lucky to be in his company. Noticing out bottles are empty he offers me another and I nod, watching him wander off to the bar. Watching him but not really thinking as he stands there getting the drinks, my mind wanders off and I suddenly find myself thinking about Tina. Smiling at how she would laugh at me using her chat up line and knowing she would be somewhere telling me to go for it, giggling quietly I don’t notice Trevor arriving back with the beers in his hands and smile on his face the only realise he’s there is when he kisses me gently on the cheek and sits next to me on my chair. There’s a moment of silence between us before the chair gives way underneath us and we end up laughing in a collapsed heap on the floor, holding my sides as my ribs begin to ache from all this laughter.

“Oh Trevor, I’ve not laughed so much in ages!” I breathlessly say as I pull him to me with one hand and clasp his shirt in my other, tears streaming down my cheeks I look to him and find he can’t stop the tears falling either.

“Oh Gabby, you are like a breath of fresh air to me, you really are hun! I’ve never met anyone like you, who’s so… down to earth!” Smiling as the laughter subsides slightly there is a moment between us which we need not question; it all just seemed to feel right. Gently caressing my cheek he smiled at me and looks into my eyes, searching deep inside my soul looking for something I didn’t know I had. The mood lightens and we relax around one another and talk freely once more, still sat upon the broken chair and close to each other. The minutes turn into hours and we are both still sat talking like we have known each other years, laughing over our lives and never noticing time passing or the night fall. Suddenly I can feel there’s a chill in the air and shivering Trevor pulls me into his arms are rubs my arms, smiling I feel safe and warm not realising we would soon be the only two left on the boat.

“It’s getting colder isn’t it? Seems to be like it now, I swear it was never this cold ten years ago!” Nodding I agree with him and notice how he hasn’t stopped caressing my back and sides, closing my eyes I lean into him and enjoy the feeling. Pretty soon we are alone and the other guests have all gone either inside or back off to Somerset House, noticing this Trevor smiles and speaks.

“Do you think it was something we said?” Chuckling Trevor gestures towards the empty deck we now found ourselves on, smiling back I nod and move slightly closer I can smell the scent wafting up from his neck.

As I pull him closer to me I smile and speak, realising that I may only have one chance to be that person and woman I had always wanted to be.

“Ah well, it just gives us more of a chance to get better acquainted.” Smiling back Trevor moves closer to my lips again, I can feel his breath against my lips he is so close I can taste him. Feeling my own desire rising I begin to feel bold and moving forward quickly I lay my own soft kiss upon his lips, I feel him smile against my lips and instinctively he moves his hands to my breasts. Gasping against his lips brings us both to our senses and he pulls away, before either of us had the chance to speak there is a loud explosion and we look round to see the fireworks being let off over Somerset House. Sitting on the stern of the boat we watch the firework display, holding each other chatting freely and watching the scenes unfold below us on the banks of the River Thames. As the fireworks ended we watched with some stunned wonder as snow begun to fall, looking to each other and then up to the sky neither of us could believe it.

“It’s snowing!” Trevor says to me as he watches me looking at the falling snow, looking back to him I smile and reply.

“In the middle of May too!” Laughing the two of us move closer and start to kiss softly, feeling things I never felt before enjoying the feeling of his kiss upon my lips.

As the snow falls the passion continues to grow between us and gets hotter, pulling me to him Trevor continues to softly kiss my lips. Working his way down to my neck, slowly leaving a trail of hot kisses as he went; nuzzling the nape of my neck I begin to caress his body. Running my hands up and down his chest, I moved to his arms and back to his chest slowly working my way down to his legs and thighs. Running his soft hands down my sides Trevor softly caresses my body working his way from my arms and shoulders down to my legs and thighs, softly nibbling the nape of my neck we make ourselves a little more comfortable by laying back slightly. His lips are so soft and feel amazing against my skin; I can feel his lips and kisses everywhere all at once. His hands continue to caress all over my body, seemingly everywhere at once beginning to override my senses. Sensing my nerves rising again Trevor gently pulled back reassuring me, softly kissing me again while all I could do was nod against his lips while getting lost in the moment. Hearing the party getting into full swing brings us both to our senses, smiling and grinning like love sick teenagers Trevor helps me to my feet and we head off to my hotel room bumping into Jayne and Tina on the way.

“We are heading off now, just wanted to come say goodbye and that we’ll see you tomorrow.” Tina says to me and she hugs me tightly, whispering in my ear to go for it. Nodding and smiling back I hug her back and tell her to call by if she still wanted to see the town, whispering thank you in her ear before we pulled away and I hugged Jayne. As I am hugging Jayne Tina is hugging Trevor and speaks softly into his ear,

“If you hurt my best friend I will kill you ok?” Tina whispers, hugging him closely as she does. Feeling him hug her back warmly, she senses that hurting me is the last thing on his mind.

"I'll never hurt her; I'm not that kind of man it would be like hurting myself!"

Pulling back we all say goodbye and as we watch Tina and Jayne leave Trevor places his arm around my waist before pulling me close and whispering into my ear as we turn to leave.

"You have a life long bodyguard in Tina you know, she's just told me she'll kill me if I hurt you!" Smiling as he told me what I was already sure was Tina’s promise; I took a deep breath and replied knowing that I just needed to know.

“And will you? Hurt me I mean.” Wanting to look in his eyes I couldn’t and went to walk off but his hand on my arm stopped me and pulled me back to him, turning himself so that he was facing me I still couldn’t look in his eyes.

“Is that what you think?” He asked me as he slowly lifted my face to meet his, trying to search my eyes for some sort of sign. Seeing my pain and the fact I can’t look into his eyes causes Trevor to pull me into his arms for a moment as he tells me its ok, sighing deeply he goes on to tell me it’s the last thing on his mind.

“How can you even think that? You should know I’m not that type of guy Gabby!” Pausing we walk over to a bench by the River and sit upon it, taking my hands in his Trevor continues.

“I know you’ve been hurt before, but I won’t be the one to hurt you. Hurting you is the last thing I will do baby, I can assure you!” Sitting in silence I look out to the River and watch the twinkling lights that seem to be coming to life all around us, as the snow begun to settle and the temperature dropped even more Trevor suggested he should see me back to my hotel room. Silence surrounding us as we walked gave us both time to think about what had just happened between us while taking in the sights and sounds we would come across, passing by a jam packed bar we heard the music blaring and decided to check it out. As we walked inside the first thing that hit us was the warm air, the next thing was this amazing female voice singing jazz songs.

Yesterday I saw the sun shinin',
and the leaves were fallin' down softly,
my cold hands needed a warm, warm touch,
and I was thinkin' about you.
Here I am lookin' for signs of leaving,
you hold my hand, but do you really need me?
I guess it's time for me to let you go,
And I've been thinkin' about you,
I've been thinkin' about you.
When you sail across the ocean waters,
and you reach the other side safely,
Could you smile a little smile for me?
'cause I'll be thinkin' about you,
I'll be thinkin' about you,
I'll be thinkin' about you,
I'll be thinkin' about you.

Inside we had just approached the bar we look to the stage where this beautiful young lady had just finished singing a song by Norah Jones; she was introduced as Cat Boyd. Looking to me Trevor could tell I was trying not to laugh but knew the moment I looked at him I couldn’t stop myself, digging him in the ribs we smiled and laughed with each other. And as quick as anything the atmosphere between us has become relaxed again and we are soon sat with drinks in our hands listening to Cat sing more romantic heartfelt songs, talking about anything and everything again. Knowing we needed to talk about what had happened between us; I take a deep breath and speak.

“Trevor, about earlier…” I begin to say, feeling his eyes boring into me again I can’t face him as I stare at the drink in front of me and try to find the right words.

“It’s not that…” I try to say.

“It’s just that…” I try to continue, pausing and taking a deep breath while I try to calm my nerves and find the correct words.

“I want you so much it hurts, it’s just that…” I finally find the words I need to say but before I had the chance to continue Trevor cuts me off and speaks, reassuring me that it is indeed ok.

“I know my darling, I know. I know you are hurting, its not the right time and you’d never enjoy it.” Gently turning my face to it was facing his, Trevor looked deep into my eyes as he continued.

“I want this, us too so let’s just take it one day at a time ok? Your teddy bear isn’t going anywhere, so when you’re ready I’ll be here ok?” As his words sink in all I can do is open and close my mouth in shock, as I go to speak Cat beings to sing again and as he gets lost in the music I can’t think of anything else but what he’s just said. The next think I know is I am being hauled to my feet and led to the dance floor, and as he pulled me into his arms we begin to dance to the song Cat’s singing. A Barry Manilow classic; Blue.

When nights are long, I think of you

Could you be blue, as blue as I am?

When lovers passed, do you feel blue?

And wish you knew, where we went wrong

I like to call, but I'm afraid to find

That I'm not on your mind, all night long

When Sundays come, what gets you through?

Are you still glad your free

Or are you blue like me

When nights are long

It seem so long, so very long

I think of you

My heart is aching, and I'm all so blue

Could you be blue?

As blue as those eyes of yours

As blue as I am

Pulling me closer I can feel Trevor’s breath on my neck first, then moments later I can feel his soft lips tenderly touching the nape of my neck. Shivering at his touch he pulls back slightly and whispers into my ear;

“It’s ok Gabby, no pressure ok? We have to make things better first, baby steps sweetheart baby steps ok?” Still trying to get my head around it all, I try to speak but the words get stuck in my throat. As I try to get my head around everything that’s being said and happening we continue to dance, holding me close in his arms makes me feel safe and I can’t stop myself for enjoying this knowing I never want it to stop.

My sweet, sweet baby

When lovers pass

And now that spring is here

Do you feel blue?

What'll I do with out you?

And wish you knew

Where we went wrong

With out you to walk with or jog with

I like to call

I'm starring at the sun

But I'm afraid I'll find

That I'm not on you mind, all night long

When Sundays come, what get me through?

Are you still glad your free

Or are you blue like me

Blue like me

As the song comes to an end Trevor leads me back to the bar and goes to order us another drink, before he can get served though a couple of people come over to him and ask him for a picture and autograph. Smiling and being gracious he looks to me and I can tell he wants to talk; I smile as I remember Jayne telling me how her friend heard how he hated being hassled when he was out with family and friends. As he finished, he smiled at me and went to apologise.

“Its fine Trevor, I expected it.” Taking his hand I smile and lead him outside, as we walk back to my hotel room we talk about everything but what we both wanted to talk about. Truth was that I still didn’t know how to handle what he’d just said, noticing the silence Trevor speaks.

“I’m not going to be the man to hurt you Gabby; I meant all I have said. I want this too; your teddy bear isn’t going anywhere!”

“What are you saying Trevor? What are you suggesting here? You’re married, we live miles apart, you’re…” I can no longer hold back from saying what I was thinking, but stopped as I tried to find the right words.

“Famous? Is that what you’re thinking Gabby? Say what you are thinking?” He cuts me off again and stops dead in his tracks, stopping by his side I turn and look him in his eyes.

Thinking for a moment I know what I want to do and what I want to say, but my past had taught me to never take anything for granted and to never expect anything.

“Just what are you saying, what are you suggesting here. What are you asking me?” I ask as I try to search his eyes for the dream I had been having for the past three years, the one where he wants to be and spend time with me.

“I want to take your pain away; I want you to feel safe and comfortable with me. I want to be with you, I want this to happen.” The silence was deafening, all I could hear was my heartbeat thumping in my chest and ears. Thoughts running through my mind and emotions flooding my chest as I tried to make sense of it all, taking me by the hand I am brought from my thoughts as Trevor speaks.

“Come on Gabby, I should walk you back to your hotel.” As we walk in silence again I continue to try get my head around what’s just happened, but in the back of my mind there was this little voice that kept calling out to me. A niggling little voice that kept telling me I should not let him walk away, and as we reach my hotel it was this voice that made me invite him back to my room. Accepting he follows me in side and sits on the edge of my bed as I make us some coffee.

Before I have the chance to finish the coffee’s Trevor is by my side and telling me to leave them and go sit with him, leading me by the hand we sit on the edge of the bed and silently search for the words we are looking for. In the silence of the room my thoughts are filled with everything that had happened tonight, the thoughts replaying vividly in my mind causes me to smile.

“What is it honey?” Trevor’s soft deep voice soothing my inner core, smiling I shake my head and explain.

“Its nothing Trevor, I was just thinking what a fantastic birthday this has turned out to be. I was meant to be going New York with my folks, but things fell through I’m kind of glad I didn’t go now!” Shifting our positions so we are sat in the middle of the bed, I curl up into his arms as we lay upon the bed and talk some more, wrapping our arms around each other as we freely open up to each other.

“I feel alone all the time…” Trevor begins as I lay my head upon his solid warm chest, wanting to close my eyes and enjoy this moment I knew if I did I would fall asleep. And I was afraid to sleep, knowing that if I did I could wake up and find it was all a dream.

“Our two eldest have flown the coop now and my youngest will be starting boarding school soon and the place will feel so empty, it seems like me and my wife have no time for each other anymore.” Pausing Trevor gently kisses my forehead and pulls me closer to him, kissing his chest I can feel my desires and emotions rising once again.

“She’s always working or I’m always working, and we always seem too tired. I can’t seem to do anything right and we are always arguing nowadays!” Kissing my forehead again I look up into his eyes and see the same hurt and pain that I had been going through, his stunning brown eyes were so dark and distant I instinctively reach for his cheek and softly caress it with my fingers causing him to look down at me and smile.

“I’ve been thinking that maybe I should…” Pausing and taking a deep breath, sighing as he did I lay in his arms silently listening to him open his heart to me.

“Leave her.” The silence that surrounded us was again deafening, unsure what to think or say I could see the tears that threatened to fall from his eyes forming.

“Are you sure it’s what you want Trevor? Don’t rush anything and live to regret it, been there and it wasn’t pretty.” Nodding slightly, I can see it’s too much for him and pull him close allowing his tears to fall into the nape of my neck. Feeling his hot wet tears fall against my skin made me realise for the first time in a long time I was needed and wanted by someone, and was relieved to find that not only did he need me but he also seemed to want me. Pulling back I lift his face so it’s level with mine, looking in his eyes I smile slightly and kiss him softly firstly on the forehead then I lay a tender kiss upon his lips. Feeling him moan slightly upon my lips brings me to my senses and pulling back I speak, as I softly stroke his face.

“Baby steps sound wonderful Trevor; I’ll be here for my teddy bear too.” Smiling I kiss him upon the lips once more and then settle down in his arms, laying my head upon his warm solid chest all I can hear is his heart beat and as I begin to allow my emotions to override my numb senses I start to cry softly feeling him pull me closer for comfort. Soon the excitement of the day and all its emotions had caught up with us and we drifted off into a deep restful sleep.


Slowly waking from my slumber the first thing I notice is a heavy arm draped around my waist, the next thing I notice is a warm solid body spooning my own. As I wake I adjust to my surroundings and feel the body behind me stirring, turning slightly before I have the chance to look round I feel a soft tender kiss upon the nape of my neck.

“Mmmm, good morning beautiful. I trust you slept as well as I did, are you feeling ok?” Trevor’s soft deep voice soothed my soul and as I felt his desire grow I slowly woke up, quietly replying as I slightly adjusted my position.

“I feel so relaxed and safe Trevor, I had the best nights sleep in ages.” I say as I feel him pull me gently further into his arms and continue kissing my neck gently, still feeling his desire growing ever harder. As if he could sense my questions, Trevor adjusts himself slightly and apologised.

“Sorry about him, he has a mind of his own most days!” I can feel his smile against my neck and although I try not to I can’t help but laugh along with him, enjoying the feelings I am feeling I snuggle further into his arms and speak.

“It’s ok Trevor, I kind of like it.” Kissing his arm, I lean back into his chest and close my eyes once more wishing I could stay here forever. Hardly a minute had gone by before there was a knock on the door, causing us both to wake up suddenly.

Looking round to Trevor I can see the questioning look in his eyes and shrug my shoulders, as I go to reach for the door I remember the conversation I had with Jayne and Tina last night. Standing at the door I open it slightly and sure enough there are Jayne and Tina standing looking at me knowingly, I see the look in their eyes and shake my head.

“Do you want me to come show you round the City?” I say, trying to avoid the question I know they want to ask.

“If you’re busy, we can come back or meet you?” Tina says trying to search behind me, trying not to laugh I can feel Trevor’s lips on my butt cheeks and he hides behind the door. Trying to not giggle as he gently tickles the backs of my thighs and legs, trying to stifle a laugh I speak.

“I’ll meet you guys if that’s ok? I’ve have a rough night.” I know it’s a lie and know that Tina will kill me for it, but I couldn’t tell her the truth; not while he was still with me anyway. As soon as the door had closed Trevor had stolen a soft kiss from my lips as was walking back to the bed, before he had the chance I playfully slapped his butt. Moments later I find myself being almost ‘chased’ around the room with Trevor in hot pursuit, both of us almost crying with laughter.

“Come here you little devil, you are so for it when I get hold of you honey!” Laughing and giggling like a couple of love sick teenagers without warning I come to a halt and turn to face him, pulling me gently into his arms Trevor looks deep into my eyes before kissing me softly upon the lips. Holding me there for ages I could feel myself melt into his arms, knowing that I didn’t want to leave but had to I pulled back slightly.

“Come on Gabby; let’s go meet your friends.” Taking my hand in his and squeezing it gently Trevor led me back over to the bed, dressing fully we talked openly and freely as we left and headed to the café we had arranged to meet Tina and Jayne in. As we walked out of the hotel the ground was completely covered in a good three inches of snow, smiling to each other Trevor holds my hand as we walk to the near by café. As we walk in I spotted Tina and Jayne first, reaching out for his hand I find it and instantly feel calmer. We had hardly got to the table before both Tina and Jayne were grinning from ear-to-ear and digging each other in the ribs, as we got to the table Tina had spoken.

"Damn it, I knew it!" Smiling and laughing, Jayne had already taken Trevor by the arm and led him off to get the drinks in. Sitting down Tina doesn’t need to say anything before I launch into an explanation I didn’t really know I was going to give, trying to calm my nerves I take a deep breath.

“Look, I know what you’re thinking. But nothing happened last night…” Cutting me off before I even started, Tina put her hand on mind and smiled as she spoke.

“I know that. And since he's still with you, then it must be more that just a one night stand he wants right? Since you haven't done anything together, he could have walked away at anytime honey.” I knew she was right and I was thankful for not getting the third degree from her, smiling at her I go to reply but am stopped by Jayne and Trevor coming back with the drinks. Mouthing ‘thank you’ to Tina she nods her acknowledgement at me and take her coffee from Jayne, kissing me on the cheek Trevor hands me my drink and settles down next to me. Taking hold of my hand under the table I can sense that Tina had accurately predicted Trevor’s response, as he openly held my hand.

“So where do you ladies want to go first, you must allow me to be your guide for today?” Trevor says, smiling at Tina and Jayne while caressing the back of my hand and arm that he’d not let go of since he’d sat down next to me.

“Oh, I fancy St Paul’s Cathedral first. What about you Jayne?” Tina looked to her friend, who thought for a moment and then spoke.

“Well, I rather fancied going to the National Art Gallery. Is that ok with you guys?” Jayne looked to first myself and then Trevor.

“Of course it is ladies; it would be my honour to escort you around today.” Trevor replied as he gently squeezed my hand and finished his coffee, waiting for the girls to finish theirs. As we walked to St. Paul’s the conversation was flowing between all of us, all the while I was acutely aware; just like Tina that Trevor had yet let go of my hand. As we walked around St. Paul’s I talked with Trevor about my life, and the last time I was in St. Paul’s.

“I came here with my colleagues from St. John for the St. John Day service, they hold it every year and we come from all over to take part and marched here from Smithfield.” I say as we stopped for a moment, looking up to the tall dome above us Trevor took his chance and laid a gentle kiss upon my neck. Smiling back at him as he pulled away slightly and led me over to the altar, asking me where I sat I pointed it out and continued.

“Would have been even better had it not been for the two nasty old farts I had to sit with!” Laughing but trying not to, I smiled back and explained.

“I know I should be nice, but they just get my back up all the time! I can’t help it, they need a slap!” Pulling me gently into his arms there’s a moment between us when it seems like the world and time itself had stopped, wanting to tell him I was falling I took a deep breath and went to speak.

“Gabby, come and see this!” Tina called over to me and as I sighed, Trevor took my hand and led me to where Tina and Jayne where standing. We join them both as the stood at the doors to the main entrance of St. Paul’s, watching with amazement at the march that was now passing St. Paul’s.

“They’re all naked…” Tina started to say, trying not to laugh or faint from the shock.

“But it’s cold… and they are riding bikes!” Jayne added as I looked to Trevor, knowing it would only take a look from him to make me collapse in fits of laughter. As soon as Trevor’s lip curved I knew I could never hold it in, and moments later the four of us were almost double up in fits of laughter. Heading outside before we were kicked out we then headed off to the National Art Gallery, still laughing as we went. We had only got about five minutes down the road when the girls decided they wanted a beer and after almost pleading with Trevor, he looked to me as if he wanted me to choose. Smiling at him I had wanted to go to the Epicurean Lounge since I first saw it on one of my trips to St. John Gate, taking Trevor by the hand we all head off towards Clerkenwell and the bar.

“That’s The Gate; if it was open I’d have offered to show you around there.” I say as I point it out to Trevor and the girls, who are a few yards behind us.

Slipping my arm through his, he whispers into my ear.

“Maybe next time you could show me around, I’d love to know more about your life.” Thinking that the girls aren’t looking Trevor softly kisses me upon the lips, causing me to stop dead in my tracks and pull him closer to me. Seconds later I feel Tina walking past me and almost ‘nudging’ me into Trevor further, making me smile against his lips. Pulling back slightly I am a little shocked that he had just kissed me with such passion and that we were out in public, but I finally begin to see that Tina was correct and he wasn’t about to cut and run if anything was to happen between us. Grinning like a Cheshire cat we stood there for a few moments before Tina and Jayne shouted after us, asking me where they were going.

“Just over there on the left, you can’t miss it.” I called to them as myself and Trevor walked arm in arm towards where the girls were waiting, noting how Jayne rolled her eyes towards Tina. Digging her in the ribs gently as I reach her side I alert Tina to the fact she was right, smiling back at me she lets me know it’s ok and as we enter the bar and find a table Jayne is taking Trevor off to the bar as me and Tina sit and talk a little more.

“I know, before you say it honey I know ok? I know you are right, I was… am just a little fragile still.” I say as I look over my shoulder to make sure they are still at the bar, so that we aren’t overheard.

“I know babe…” Tina started to say as she hugged me to her, hugging her back with all I can she continues.

“Don't rush into anything if your not ready take your time, I know he will understand.” Looking into her eyes we both know she is right, and I assure her the last thing I am going to do is rush into anything. As Trevor and Jayne walked back I turned before he had the chance to catch me and caught him with a kiss of my own, not wanting to pull away but knowing he must he pulled back and raised his eyebrows.

“Thank you…” I whispered into his ear as I lent into him and kissed his cheek, looking at me questioningly I smile and continue.

“For making me want to fall in love with you!” Kissing his neck, I can feel his hands on me gently stopping me from pulling away. Holding me close to him I let go of my tension, releasing myself to his control. One hand on the small of my back and the other on my leg, he whispers into my ear his hot breath prick my skin and his beard tickling my cheek. Sensing his desire growing I knew I was ready to take the next step and began to grow impatient that we couldn’t fulfil our physical feelings, they seemed to grow stronger with his every breath.

Sensing I want to take this further, Tina digs Jayne softly in the ribs alerting her to my closeness to Trevor and how they can both seemingly read me like and open book.

“Oh damn it, Jayne I forgot that outfit I wanted to take back while we were here. Come on we are going to have to go back and get it, you two will be ok alone right?” Tina said and before I had the chance to answer they had already left, leaving both myself and Trevor trying to figure out what had just happened.

“I guess it was something we said again, either that or they can read my mind?” Trevor says as he tries, like me to stifle a laugh. Giggling like school children we turn back and come face to face with each other, smiling at each other Trevor sighs before speaking.

“Are you ok with eating here, or would you like to go somewhere else?” By now Trevor still hadn’t taken his hands from mine, and had taken to softly tracing lazy lightly circles on the backs of them.

“I’m happy here Trevor, it’s a lovely place isn’t it?” I reply as we moved slightly closer together, after ordering our food we sit and talk about everything and nothing.

Taking a deep breath, I can almost sense there is something on Trevor’s mind and although his company has been wonderful my heart is still bruised and battered. My past had taught me never to trust people and always expect the worst, it was almost agony to watch him struggle and as I go to speak he stops me.

“Please Gabby; I need to be honest with you. I want a relationship with you, and don’t want any secrets between us ok?” His deep brown eyes boring deep into my own, swallowing hard Trevor spoke never once taking his eyes from my own.

“I have cheated on my wife once and only once, it was back in ’97 when she was away. I am not proud of myself and have never strayed since.” As he continued I wanted to stop him, but knew he wanted to get it all off his chest.

“I didn’t know that ten years later she would end up walking back into my life or that you would…” Putting my hand to his lips, he looks momentarily away and I take my chance and speak.

“I know Trevor, Tina told me. We are best friends, we don’t have secrets either!” Smiling as he looked back up into my eyes, smiling back at me he gently caresses my cheek softly.

“And are you ok with it? I couldn’t bear to lose you now, it would kill me!” Looking up at me with almost a needy desire, I softly kissed his cheek and spoke.

“Of course Trevor, we all have a past right?” Seeing the almost overwhelming look of relief upon his face, I know it is my time to be honest now and as our food is brought out to us and we eat; I talk about my past.

“I too have been down the same road, I was seventeen at the time and he was my first lover.” Pausing I was about to admit something about my past that nobody had any clue about, to be honest it was probably a huge weight off my mind.

“His name was Stan, he was a lot older and although I knew he was married I just couldn’t help myself. I started to date his son, and soon began to fall for his father.” Pausing and moving closer I lower my voice, and tell him of my secret.

“One day when I knew Stan would be home alone I went round, and I made my intentions clear telling him I wanted him in no uncertain terms. I don’t remember which one of us made the first move, but neither of us was shy about getting what we wanted.” Surprisingly, if felt so good to share and get it off my chest.

“What happened between you and his son? What about and you and Stan?” Trevor asked, still caressing the backs of her hands softly.

“I had a few years of fun with Stan, but it never would have lasted. I soon split with his son after he cheated on me with my best friend, so sometimes life comes back to bite you on the arse… nal.” Laughing out loud at my play on words, Trevor kissed me on the cheek and spoke again.

“You’re right we all do have a past, I’m glad you felt able to tell me.” As we finished our dinner and paid the bill I did feel better for having told someone about my past, the fact I was finally able to talk about my past with someone was nothing short of amazing. Especially since I had easily been through hell and back, holding hands and talking like we had know each other years I felt comfortable and totally relaxed. As we slowly walked back towards my hotel room I knew I didn’t want this evening to end, but still in the back of my mind there was still some doubt left. It wasn’t anything to do with Trevor he had been wonderful and knew I was falling for him; it was more to do with me and my past. Sensing the vacant look in my eyes and the silence that suddenly descended upon us, Trevor stopped at the door as soon as we arrived where we both stood in silence for a few moments. Kissing me on the cheek and holding my hand Trevor softly spoke, leaving little doubt in my mind that I was about to fall.

“As much as I would love to spend the evening with you, you have some doubts still I can tell. So when you are ready I meant what I said, your teddy bear will be right here waiting.” Squeezing my hand slightly, he pulls me close and kisses me gently upon the lips once more before pulling away and turning to leave. This makes my heart almost tear itself apart, I realise at that moment I had already fallen and could never let him walk away now without spending at least one more night in his arms.

“Please don’t leave yet Trevor, come have a drink with me?” I say as I keep hold of his hand, feeling him squeeze it gently back as he turns back and follows me inside. Once inside he can tell I am torn, putting some music on as I fix us drinks. And in a matter of seconds I am back to feeling relaxed and comfortable, happy to be there with him and chatting about nothing in particular. Laughing at how one of my friends danced the night before, Trevor pulled me in to his arms gently and we begin to dance to the music playing softly in the background. Moving in time to the music I forget about my past and all the pain I had been through, feeling alive again for the first time in years. Laughing as he twirled me around and caught me in his strong arms I was feeling so relaxed and at ease that as he kissed me, I couldn’t resist slipping my tongue softly inside. Feeling how he reacted I could sense the music slow and mood change, as we danced slowly together I could feel how Trevor softly caressed my back and sides taking great delight in how every time he touched my back softly I would shudder. I knew I wanted to go further I just need it at my pace, looking deep into his eyes there was almost an unasked question that told me things would be at my pace. Going to kiss him again, he pulled back and spoke.

“Are you sure Gabby? We don’t have to do this yet, not if you don’t want to ok?” His words only made me fall more, and taking a deep breath I nodded and pulled him closer to me; kissing him with all I had left in me.


As we stopped swaying to the music and continued to softly kiss each other I felt totally relaxed and comfortable, tenderly Trevor begins to caress my body slowly. His hands seem to glide across the soft material of my white blouse, creating tiny electrons of static pleasure across my skin. Holding onto him, I can feel myself getting lost in these new and exciting feelings being created deep within me. As his hands move slowly to my hips I too allow my hands to wander, enjoying the feeling his body was having upon me. I caress the muscled contours of his body through the pale blue fabric of his cotton shirt, his arms felt as strong as iron as I rested my hands upon them. As his hands move to my butt I can feel him pull me closer to him kissing me deeply, slowly moving my hands to the front of his shirt I begin to undo it. Hearing him moan softly against my lips as I undid the last button and run my hands softly over his naked warm solid chest, pulling back slightly I lay my head upon his chest and caress his back slightly. As Trevor slips his shirt off I notice the small scar on his back I touch it gently, remembering how he had hurt his back a while ago I asked him about it.

“Does it hurt you still?” I say as I lightly caress the scar tissue, noting how soft it felt.

“Sometimes it does, depends on what I do the day before or how I sleep.” He replies as he slowly begins to undo the buttons on my blouse, looking deep into my eyes as he does making sure I am still comfortable.

As he removes my blouse I watch his eyes studying me, he instinctively moves his hands to my breasts but pulls them away again. I know it is because he doesn’t want to rush me, but I know I want this to continue and taking his hands in my own I move them to my breasts. As we stand in silence his hands softly caressing my breasts over the white silk push up bra I was wearing, I continued to stroke his chest with my hands enjoying the feeling of his soft skin against my warm palms. Slowly pulling me closer we continue to kiss each other as Trevor continues to caress my back and sides, moments later I feel him unclip my bra and remove it. As we continue to kiss I can feel his hands move slowly to the button and zip upon my smart black trousers, nodding against his lips he deftly undoes them letting the fall to the ground. Moments later I can feel his own black trousers fall to the floor and as we step out of our fallen clothing, we are stood in just our underwear close together. Pulling back slightly we are just stood holding each other in silence for a while before he leads me gently over to the bed, as I sit upon the edge of the bed he kneels in front of me. Softly his hands are resting upon my thighs as he kisses me again, soon I feel his hands tenderly caressing their way up my body back to my breasts. Breaking away from my lips Trevor begins to leave a trail of hot soft kisses along my skin as he works down towards my breasts, nibbling the nape of my neck slightly causes me to inhale sharply.

As I continue to stroke his back Trevor is working his way down to my breasts, kissing all over each of my breasts I can feel things I never through I would feel. Taking his tongue he softly flicks it over each nipple causing me to inhale deeply again, running my fingers through his hair I moan auditable that I’m enjoying this.

“Oh Trevor…” I breathlessly moan, as I feel him gently suck each of my nipples into his mouth in turn. Holding it there with his teeth softly as he continues to caress and kiss them, pulling away I almost whimper at the loss of his touch. Getting up, he helps me to my feet and looking deep in my eyes I can see the unasked question in them again. Nodding I feel him slowly pull the white lace panties I am wearing down slightly, letting them drop to the floor. As he goes to remove his white boxers, I boldly put my hands out and we understand that I want to do this myself. As I remove them a little and let them fall to the ground my eyes are instantly draw to his long thick cock springing free, trying to hold my gasp in Trevor lets out a slight laugh indicating that he saw my obvious surprise. Blushing I pull him closer and kiss him passionately, running my hands round to his butt and gently squeezing the cheeks. Feeling how he smiled against my lips as I did, then doing the same to my own butt cheeks I smile back against his lips. Caressing each others naked bodies, we continue to kiss each other as he moves us slowly back to the bed. Laying us upon the bed, there is nothing but the soft music playing in the back ground as we caress each other and look loving into each others eyes.

Moving me back slightly so I am lying back on the bed we continued to kiss and caress each other, turning each other on as we went further. As Trevor continues to kiss my lips into submission I feel his hand begin to work its way down my body, I move myself slightly to allow him better access and ready myself for his touch. Pulling away from my lips I can feel his breath against my lips, slowly opening my eyes there’s that unasked question again and nodding slightly he continues until his fingers lightly graze the outer lips of my pussy. I inhale sharply as I moan my desires to him, nodding slightly I felt one of his fingers slowly move inside of me.

“Mmmm, oh God…” I moan slightly louder as I feel him insert another finger inside of me, coating them with my juices as he continued to search for my G spot and arouse me even more. Pulling him closer to me I kiss him with a passion that I never knew I had in me, while we are kissing he slowly moves his fingers from my pussy and begins to search for the highly aroused nub of my tender clitoris rubbing it gently when he finds it.

“Oh God Trevor, please don’t stop!” I mumble against his lips, enjoying his touch and the feelings he is creating deep inside of me. Within seconds his touch was making me shudder to orgasm, all the times I had experienced in my past was nothing compared to this moment.

“Are you ok my darling?” Trevor’s question made me aware his hand was still and he was looking at me with a concern in his eyes, realising it was because I had been vacantly staring into space again. Smiling slightly back I nod and pull myself up upon my elbows slightly, as I speak.

“Its ok Trevor, I’m just not used to these feelings.” Gently he caresses my cheek and sighs, kissing me softly I begin to relax and start to caress him back. Silently I being to stroke his chest as he lies back upon the bed, never taking his eyes off me. As I lean into him I kiss him with a passion that took me by surprise, slowly I let my hand work its way down over his chest to his stomach and then coming to a rest at the top of his pubic bone. Inside I was shaking but on the outside I thought I was holding it together well, I could feel the heat radiating from his body and it was enough to cause my hand to shake. Smiling against my lips slightly I feel him slowly take my hand and turn it a little, placing my hand upon his cock and nodding against my lips I take hold of him. He’s rock hard like concrete and I try hard not to gasp out loud, slowly I use long fluid movements up and down his shaft. Enjoying the feelings Trevor let out a small moan against my lips, squeezing his cock lightly I feel confident and bold.

Pulling back I kiss his cheek and move down to the nape of his neck, enjoying the feeling his beard had upon my face and how soft it felt. Kissing my way down to his chest Trevor softly stopped me, looking into my eyes searching for that same unasked question.

“You don’t have to do this you know; I just want you to feel comfortable.” Trevor says to me as I nod and start to kiss my way down his chest, taking a deep breath I am within inches of his cock and now my fear kicks in big time. I can’t hear or see anything but the eyes and voice of the man that broke me, and even though Trevor is calling my name I can only hear his voice. After asking if I am ok and getting no response Trevor reaches out to me and sees the fear in my eyes, pulling his hand away he tries calling out to me again.

“Gabby, it’s me Trevor. Tell me what’s wrong, what happened?” The worry and concern evident in his eyes, as the song in the background came to an end it was Trevor’s words and eyes I saw again. Sighing I knew telling him I was ok would be pointless, moving up the bed so I was sitting next to him I too a deep breath and started to speak.

“I was sixteen when he… did that to me. He was meant to be my friend, someone I trusted.” I watched how Trevor had just sat silently next to me, holding my hand in his.

With silence surrounding us the only thing I could hear was the music in the background and my thoughts trying to take over my mind, sighing deeply Trevor took me into his arms and held me so close before speaking.

“It’s ok Gabby; I’ll never hurt or force myself upon you. You know that right, you mean more to me than just a one night stand.” Kissing my neck softly I felt something warm and wet fall upon my shoulder; turning to face him I saw how his hand was wiping his eyes. Smiling slightly I touch his face gently and nod; pulling him to me I kiss him softly as I cuddle down into his arms. Knowing I wanted to continue I was tearing myself apart and he could tell, pulling me further into his warm embrace he spoke as we lay silently upon the bed.

“You’re not ready for this; if we did you would never enjoy it. I’m not going to force you and I’m certainly not going anywhere! When you’re ready, I will be right here.” As we lie together in silence, the music is taking over and allowing my emotions to show. As I lay in his big strong arms I feel safe and warm, the emotions and exhaustion of the day all taking their toll on me and my mind and slowly I begin to close my eyes.

“We have all the time in the world my darling, I’m not going anywhere.” Trevor softly whispers into my ear as he watches me slowly falling asleep in his arms again, pulling me closer and kissing my neck as he whispers soothing soft words into my hair as I fall into a deep sleep.

Slowly waking the first thing I notice is the absence of Trevor’s warm arm around my waist and warm solid chest laying next to me, the next thing I noticed was the music still playing in the background and light soft kisses being laid upon my forehead and face. Opening my eyes fully I see Trevor sat next to me, silently smiling he begun to gently caress my cheek.

“Did you sleep ok sweetheart?” He said softly as he moved to the bed and lay next to me, pulling me close to him I smiled into his chest and spoke.

“Yes, it felt great being in your arms.” Wanting to say more I knew the words wouldn’t come, the more tense I became the better Trevor became at reading me.

“I meant what I said last night; I have no intentions of walking away from you Gabby. I want you, I want there to be an us.” He said as he softly caressed my cheek, slowly the comfortable silence fell and we just lay together holding each other. As we talked the atmosphere was geared more towards friendship than love and romance, although there was still that doubt in the back of my mind I knew I was falling deeper for the man lying next to me.

“Do you still fancy showing me around The Gate? It looked like it had a lot of history.” Trevor asked as he got up and made us coffee, smiling I got up and started to dress as I answered him.

“Sure thing, there’s loads of history there.” I reply as I walk past him and kiss his back as I run my hand softly across his back, causing him to moan and sigh deeply. Smiling at his honest emotions, I go to walk into the bathroom when he turns and pulls me into his arms gently. Kissing me softly I take great pleasure in the fact that when I caress his back it has much the same affect on him as his kisses are having on me, hearing him moan against my lips I pull back.

“Breakfast?” I offer him as I head off into the bathroom, hearing him chuckle as I go.

“You are of course well aware that I am going to fall in love with you aren’t you?” At that moment silence surrounded us; if he had been in the bathroom with me he would have seen me stood stuck to the spot with slack jaw and everything. It was only as the soap dispenser went crashing into the sink that he knew for sure I heard him, as he popped his head round the door and asked me if I was ok I just managed to look at him for a moment before speaking.

“Are you having a laugh? What did you just say?” Was all I could really manage as I still stood there slack jawed, wanting to believe what I had just heard but not sure I had heard it right.

“I said I am falling in love with you, is that a problem?” Trevor replied quietly, as he pulled me gently into his arms and softly caressed my cheek.

As I stood there opening and closing my mouth a few times I could see by the smile on his face Trevor was enjoying this, sighing he pulled me closer and spoke before kissing me softly.

“I think you’re amazing Gabby, surely you knew it wouldn’t be long before I fell for you?” Smiling against my lips I felt how he pulled me close and caressed my back once more, before gently slapping my butt and releasing me from his embrace. As we finished dressing and left I was still silently shocked by his statement, still unsure how I felt about it all. I must have been daydreaming a lot because the next thing I knew after we left the hotel I was standing on the crossing waiting to cross over to Clerkenwell from Smithfield, but I had seemingly been holding a full conversation with him since we left the hotel.

“Are you ok my love? You seem a little distant.” Trevor’s words brought me to my senses, looking up to him I smile and shake my head before speaking.

“I’m fine Trevor, just quiet today.” I reply as I go to walk away and head off to The Gate, pulling me back into his arms Trevor holds me fast against his chest looking deep into my eyes. Kissing me softly I can feel the change in his kiss; it was as if I could feel he meant it. Pulling back slightly we stood close together as we did almost an Eskimo kiss with our noses, I can suddenly feel myself letting go of all the emotions I had been trying to hide.

Smiling we headed off to The Gate and spent the day looking as though we had been together for years, laughing as though I never had a care in the world all the pain and hurt I had felt in my past seemed to be drying up at last.

“Is that you Gabby? Here in this photo.” Trevor asked me as I stood talking to the woman behind the counter, turning to where Trevor was looking I came face to face with a picture I had forgotten about.

“Oh my goodness, yes. I had forgotten about that, it was taken when I first joined.” Walking over to his side I instinctively slip my hand in his as I told him about the picture, feeling how he gently squeezed my hand as I blushed at my past.

“I was bold and bubbly but always shy about my picture being taken or standing out in the crowed, it was my first incident. I played a casualty with burns and smoke inhalation, man I had fun!” Kissing my cheek Trevor lead me through the museum as we talked and I showed him my life, as we walked round the corner Trevor pulled me into his arms and stole a soft kiss from my lips. As he went to walk off I pulled him into my arms and kissed him back with a certain passion I didn’t know I had in me, feeling how he reacted to it. Pulling back I walk away leaving him stood there in shock, smiling at how bold I was with him.

As we took the guided tour around the Gate we looked as though we had been lovers for years rather than people who had just met, always holding hands and kissing each other often. Pretty soon the tour had come to an end and we found ourselves sat back in the same place we were only yesterday, the Epicurean Lounge. As we ate and talked I knew I was more than ready to take things further, and as he kissed me as we paid the bill and left I knew I would never feel that same fear this time round. Heading off for a long slow walk back to the hotel there is a comfortable silence between us that neither of us want to break, but I knew I would have to pretty soon. As we got back to the hotel room I could see Trevor hesitate again, it was my rules and my pace I understood that so pulling him closer I kissed him with all the passion I could muster. Feeling how he reacted and his desire grew I pulled him into my hotel room as we continued to kiss, and as we stood in the middle of the room I sighed against his lips and began to unbutton his shirt.

“Gabby, we don’t have to do this. I am in no rush and am not going anywhere!” Trevor says as he pulls back, breathlessly panting with desire and passion. Nodding; I mouth I know at him and continue to undress him, deftly slipping his shirt off along with my own. Pulling me to him he undid his trousers and slipped them quickly off, doing the same to mine and again we are stood in just our underwear with music playing softly in the background.

In our close embrace we continue to caress each others bodies as the passion continues to grow in us both, boldly taking my hand I begin to stroke Trevor’s hardness through his boxers enjoying the feeling as he moaned against my lips. Slipping my hand down inside his boxers, feeling his readiness and the feeling of this urge I have deep inside me I quickly remove his boxers and kneel down in front of him. Before he has the chance to object or voice his concerns I have taken him into my mouth, softly pulling him closer as I hear him moan out loud.

“Oh God Gabby…” Placing a hand in my hair he slowly thrust into my mouth a little, taking my other hand in his and gently squeezing it letting me know he was more than a little happy. As I licked and sucked his cock I looked up to see his eyes fixed on me, mouth open slight as he inhaled sharply when I took him deeper into my mouth.

“Gabby, please stop I don’t want to cum too soon.” Trevor manages to breathlessly whisper, as he stopped thrusting and helped me to my feet kissing me passionately as he held me close. Feeling Trevor removing my underwear I pull him closer to me, enjoying the feeling of him caressing my naked body against his own. Leading me to the bed we lay down kissing and caressing each other as the night progressed, gently and slowly Trevor continued to caress me with his soft hands working his way lower and lower to my already highly aroused pussy and clitoris.

Pulling back as he touches the outer lips of my pussy Trevor never took his eyes from mine as his fingers slowly work their way inside of me, gasping as he continues to create exciting feelings within me. Adjusting myself so I was laying back upon the bed Trevor began to slowly kiss his way down my body stopping at my thighs, allowing his beard to softly graze my thighs in turn as he worked closer to my pussy lips. Moaning slightly I reach out and put my hands in his hair, readying myself for his touch. As I feel his hot laboured breath against my pussy lips his fingers went to work seeking out my highly aroused clitoris, rubbing it lightly as he found it causing me to inhale sharply.

“Oh Trevor…” I manage to moan softly as I feel myself on the edge of my climax, reaching out for my hand Trevor takes my hand and looks up into my eyes telling me it’s ok.

“It’s ok to relax and let go Gabby, I promise I’ll never hurt you. Just relax with me and enjoy it.” Nodding slightly I grip his hand softly and lay my head back upon the pillow, moving slightly he slides his two fingers back inside my pussy as he softly runs his thumb across my clitoris making me inhale sharply again.

“Oh God Trevor, please don’t stop!” I moan a little louder this time as he continues to seek out my G spot and pressing against it softly once he found it, as I begin to feel things I have never felt before Trevor is causing my mind to go into overdrive as he blows warm air upon my clitoris as he runs his thumb constantly over my ever hardening nub.

“Are you ok Gabby, do you want me to stop?” Trevor asked me as he looked up to meet my eyes, I silently nod and mouth no as I get ready to give myself to him and my carnal desires. Feeling a deep yearning desire build within me as he continued with the soft but firm pressure on my G spot while he tenderly stroked the now hardened and highly aroused clitoris, slowly taking his fingers from my pussy Trevor softly and quickly thrusts his tongue deep inside where his fingers had just come from causing me to gasp and become very aware of my surroundings.

“Oh God Trevor…” I call out as I try to gasp for air, pulling him to me slightly with my hand in his hair. For the first time since I was sixteen I finally felt able to let myself go and as I began to grind my hips against his face I felt him pull me closer, his tongue probing deeper and further into my pussy as his thumb continued to stroke my clitoris. Taking his thumb away causes me to whimper at the loss of his touch but as Trevor’s mouth gently envelops my clitoris I soon forget, and as he softly sucks the hard nub into his mouth I start to lose control.

Moaning deeply as Trevor flicks his tongue over the hard nub of my clitoris I pull him closer to me with my hand in his hair as I try to let go and stop my mind from blocking my emotions and feelings, with my heartbeat increasing I can feel things I have never felt before. Gently Trevor inserts his fingers back into my pussy finding my G spot quickly, applying the same soft but firm pressure he had before this time I begin to feel things I never knew I could feel. I know I want to cum but it doesn’t feel like it normally does, I can feel something different. Looking up to my eyes with his soft brown ones Trevor can tell and pulls back, telling me that it’s ok and to relax.

“Baby, its ok… just relax and let go for me my darling.” He said as he moved his mouth back to my clitoris, searching for the hardened nub with the tip of his tongue I can feel deep emotions washing over me. Everything I had ever felt before, all the pain and hurt seemed to be washing away the stronger these emotions became. The feelings became so strong that it was the sort of feeling that you would remember in years to come when you are minding your own business on some idle Tuesday afternoon, and if I was honest with myself I didn’t know how I was meant to handle them. Moments later I have the intense feeling deep inside that makes me feel like I want to burst deep within my soul, calling out his name I voice my fears.

“Oh God Trevor, I’m scared… I can’t.” I am almost in tears, gripping his hand and he grips it back and tell me to let go, reassuring me with his soft tender touch.

“Yes you can my darling, relax and cum for me Gabby. Don’t be scared, I am here with you.” As he held me on the edge I grip his hand as he gently nibbles my clitoris causing me to tip over the edge and give way to the already highly emotional surroundings, seconds later I let myself go and feel my whole body burst to wave after wave of emotion washing over me.

“Oh Trevor…” I call out loudly as I feel like I have left my body and as if I am floating away almost, with my eyes tightly shut and head back on the pillow almost overwhelmed by it all. As I breathlessly lay there trying to recover I slowly begin to come down and know instantly that this is something I have never felt before, and its not just the emotions of it all as something warm trickles down from my pussy lips. Although there are still a million and one thoughts trying to jump into my head at once I don’t seem to know which way is up or down let alone who I was, the only thing that was clear to me though was that I was crying like a baby and being cradled in Trevor’s big strong arms. Softly he is whispering tender reassurances into my ear as he lets me sob into his arms.

“Promise me I didn’t hurt you sweetheart? That would kill me if I thought for one moment I hurt you.” Trevor asked softly as he laid gentle kisses upon my neck, tenderly he wipes my tears away as I try to reply.

“No Trevor, it’s just that…” Was all I could manage as words fail me and I just sit the in his arms, dumb founded at what had just occurred between us.

“Let me take the pain away from your heart and the fear from your eyes my darling? I want to wake you happy; I want to stop your tears from falling.” Trevor said as we lay down together upon the bed, I go to speak again but he stops me knowing deep down that neither of us has to say anything; that moment would do the talking for us both in many years to come. With all the passion I can muster I kiss Trevor softly as I feel his hard cock still like concrete against my leg, as if he can sense it too he softly speaks.

“I’d like to make love to you Gabby my darling, may I?” Moving slightly so that I am laid upon my back again and he is now laying on his side next to me, as Trevor softly caresses my cheek he looks deep into my eyes. In his eyes I see a certain love and passion that I have never seen before, nodding silently I pull him to me as we kiss feeling how he moved and poised himself between my thighs.

“Are you ok my darling?” Trevor asked as he slowly entered me not stopping until he was fully inside me, pausing as I wrapt my legs around him he slowly begins to thrust inside me. As I wrapped my legs around him more his thrusts progressed from shallow to deep, and as we tenderly make love our eye contact is constant.

“My darling you are so beautiful, I knew the first moment I saw you I could never leave your side.” Trevor said as we slowly continued to make love, kissing passionately before his eyes fix upon my own searching my soul for something I didn’t even know was there. Before I knew what it was he was searching for Trevor had planted soft tender kisses quickly against my lips and as I caress his back I feel his thrusts become deeper and stronger, and as his eyes bore into my soul I knew I had fallen and that he had me emotionally.

“Oh Trevor… please don’t stop, I need…” Is all I can manage as he picks up the pace slightly, wrapping my arms around him our eyes are still locked together. As I begin to feel my pussy contract around his thick cock we are moving as one now and I feel my orgasm come, calling out his name and moaning loudly as I do.

“Oh God Trevor… I love you!” I pull him to me as the feelings take over my body, moments later I can feel him tensing himself as he cums too.

“Oh God Gabby, my sweet sweet darling… I love you!” As we slowly regain our breathing and steady out heartbeats we lay, still wrapt in each others arms. Feeling things I never thought I would or could feel I close my eyes for a moment and let the emotions I had just felt wash over me, I begin to cry softly and silently as it all hits me at once.

“I didn’t hurt you did I my love, promise me that wasn’t the case Gabby?” Trevor asks as I feel him kiss first my forehead; cheeks and finally my freshly fallen tears, shaking my head I know inside what I want to say but the words won’t come out. Kissing me upon the lips softly I want to say that I have never felt this way, I want to say I have fallen and I want to tell him that I will never feel this way again; but none of the words will come out. Turning so I am cradled in his arms Trevor lays with me and continues to whisper soft reassurances into my ear, as my tears dry I turn so I am now cuddling into Trevor who was lying upon his back. Draping my arm over his warm solid chest I cuddle down further into his chest, silence surrounding us as we begin to let the shear exhaustion and tiredness of the last few days take us over.

“I meant it Gabby, I meant what I said. I do love you, more than you will ever know.” Trevor said as he not only broke the silence but also took away any fears or doubts I had in my mind, kissing his chest was all he needed as he whispered goodnight and kissed my forehead again.

“I love you too Trevor, thank you for making my birthday wish come true.” I reply as I too was over come by the emotions of the past three days, wanting to stay awake I knew it was only a matter of time before I drifted off into a restful deep sleep.

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