Mel’s Diary is at the beginning, but then it's the normal chapter after that.....
Wednesday 14 March 2003 – 19:37
I'm so exhausted right now but I wanted to write in my diary, it's been ages since I last wrote in here so I thought it was about time I did. Ok the last time I wrote in here I talked about this guy I’d just started going out with. Well, that was two months ago and we're no longer together, it just didn't work and so we both decided to end it. He was a great guy and everything………but he just wasn't my type. So I'm now officially single again, kinda happy about it. I need some time to myself I need to spend some time being single.
What else can I tell you. Well, we've just finished this big case, a young girl went missing 7 years ago and the police didn't find her body and had to stop the investigation. Which was were we came in, her body was found 3 weeks ago and after some investigation we caught the guy and arrested him.
I'm glad it's over, although I'm not looking forward to the paperwork we've got to do.
Saturday 17 March 2003 – 11:00
Ow my head.
I think I drank too much last night, I don't actually remember much about last night except staying at the office late and that's it. I'm sure it'll come to me later.
Saturday 17 March 03 – 2:22
Oh god what did I do….I think I remember what happened last night. In which case I'm not sure if I want to remember.
I can't believe it.
I remember staying late to finish some work, and I remember helping Boyd with something and then we had a drink, and then I kissed him. It kind of happened and I couldn't stop it….didn’t want to stop it. I remember everything that happened between us, I remember that we had sex. In his office. After I’d realised what had happened last night I grabbed my stuff and left, I needed to get out of there. I needed time to think, I still do.
Tears streamed down her face as she read what she'd just written, the memory of last night coming back to her and sending fresh tears down her cheeks. With a shaking hand she picked up the phone and dialed the number, the one person who understood her and who was always there for her.
The person on the other end picked up on the fourth ring and at first sounded cheerful, but as soon as Mel spoke the other woman's mood changed and she knew immediately that something was wrong. They were twins after all and could tell when the other was happy or sad.
‘’ Mel what's wrong ‘’ her sister asked gently.
For a moment she had trouble finding her voice, but after several seconds she managed to get out a choked whisper.
‘’ I've done something stupid ‘’ she cried down the phone.
‘’ Stay there I'm coming over ‘’
Mel was about to protest but it was too late, Olivia had already hung up. Sighing heavily she got up from her desk and walked toward the kitchen, needing something to wake her up, her eyes still half closed.
Half an hour later Mel was sitting on the sofa with her legs curled up underneath her, her sister sitting next to her crossed legged. Both of them with mugs in their hands. Mel had been staring into her mug for 5 minutes now, but Olivia left her to her thoughts, knowing that she'd open up to her when she felt ready.
‘’ I slept with someone last night ‘’ she blurted out, making Olivia turn her head in her sister’s direction.
‘’ Who. Do I know him, what's he like ‘’ Olivia inquired, curious as to who this mystery guy was.
‘’ Boyd ‘’
‘’Come again ‘’ Olivia asked.
‘’ I slept with Boyd last night ‘’
‘’ You are talking about the same guy I think your talking about. Right ‘’
Mel nodded her head and closed her eyes, afraid her sister would shout at her. But instead all she heard was silence, at first she thought that Olivia had gone home, but when she opened her eyes her sister was still sitting next to her, staring into her mug.
‘’ I've messed things up Liv ‘’ Mel complained as she put the mug down and buried her head in her hands. Her life had been going great up till last night when she'd slept with her boss, and in his office as well. She wasn't sure whether she regretted it or not. She was so confused right now.
‘’ What happened. I mean……well you know what I mean ‘’
‘’ Yeah I know what you mean ‘’ she paused ‘’ I was working late trying to finish a report for the case we'd just finished. Myself and Boyd were the only ones still there and he was in his office. So I went into his office to ask if he wanted a hand…I helped him with some of his work and then he offered me a drink. We started talking and we'd had a couple of drinks and I was just getting up to leave when he came over to me…’’
She paused, trying to get her thoughts together.
‘’ You kissed each other ‘’ she interrupted, and Mel looked at her. Wondering how she did that, how she knew stuff before she said it.
‘’ Yeah we kissed and then……we did it. We had sex in his office ‘’
‘’ You didn't, did you ‘’ cried Olivia in surprise, looking shocked and wide eyed.
‘’ If you’re referring to the desk, then no we didn't ‘’
‘’ Sorry it’s just well…it's a shock. I’d never expected you to say that you'd slept with your boss ‘’ Olivia began ‘’ I just assumed it was some guy you'd met. Not that I'm saying you're the type to have one night stands. Oh fuck I'm sorry Mel that's not what I'm saying at all. Shutting up now ‘’
‘’ It's alight. But I was shocked when I woke up this morning to find myself, instead of in my bed, on the sofa in Boyd's office. And then I saw him lying next to me half naked and I just panicked and left. ‘’
Tears were now rolling down her cheeks and dropping onto the cushion on her lap. Olivia leaned forward and they hugged each other, Mel crying on her sister’s shoulder like old times. It broke Liv’s heart seeing her sister so upset and she wanted to do something to help her, she would be there for her sister. She knew that Mel needed her right now, and she wasn't going to go anywhere.
‘’ Hey it's going to be alight you know. If you ever need to talk about anything or this then you know you can always talk to me ‘’
‘’ I know and thanks Liv. I appreciate that ‘’
‘’ Hey that's what sister's are for. ‘’ She replied, as she put the mug down on the coffee table in front of the sofa.
‘’ Mel can I ask you something ‘’ questioned Liv, looking at her twin.
‘’ Yes ‘’
‘’ Do you love him ‘’ Olivia asked.
‘’ Promise not to hate me if I tell you ‘’ Mel asked, looking down at her hands.
‘’ Why would I hate you. I could never hate you, you're my sister ‘’
‘’ The answer to your question before is yes. Yes, I think I do love him ‘’ she said, lifting her head up.
Chapter Two: (One Month Later)
‘’ Amelia Silver ‘’
‘’Want me to come in with you ‘’ asked Olivia. As she sat with Mel in waiting room of the doctor's surgery.
‘’Are you sure ‘’ she asked.
‘’ Of course. And besides I've got the day off and I thought I’d come with you. Give you support if you need it. ‘’
They got up from the seats and followed the nurse into the doctor's office. Sitting down in front of the desk they waited for the doctor to enter. She did a couple of minutes later and sat down behind her desk. Dr Jenkins looked down at the paper in front of her and then looked up at Mel.
‘’ I have the test results back. It's conclusive you’re pregnant Miss Silver. I’d say your about a month along ‘’ the doctor informed her, before she could ask.
Mel sat for a while in silence, trying to take in what she'd just been told. She knew who's it was of course. How was she going to tell him, and more importantly how was he going to react to it.
‘’ Do you know who the father is ‘’ Dr Jenkins asked.
Of course I do
All Mel could do was nod as she tried to take in the news. Her sister sat next to her quietly, she knew that Liv was surprised and wondered what she was thinking. She glanced at her sister quickly and noticed the look in her eyes, she looked back at Dr Jenkins and tried to speak but the words were trapped and in the end she gave up and waited for the older woman to speak.
‘’ I’ll make you another appointment in a month or so for a scan ‘’
Mel walked out of the room awhile later still in shock, she'd not spoken since before they'd gone in there to see the doctor
Mel entered the lab and walked over to where Frankie was examining a body. They had reopened the case of a young man who'd been murdered 6 years ago, but it had to be closed because there wasn't enough evidence then to put the guy who'd done it away. Now it was being investigated again by the Cold Case Squad, after another young man had been found dead by the same means as the first one.
Frankie looked up and greeted Mel before turning back to examine the body in front of her. The room was silent for several minutes before Frankie broke it.
‘’ Are you ok Mel. You look pale ‘’ Frankie asked, noticing how pale Mel looked.
‘’ I-I’m … ‘’ Mel was unable to finish her sentence, and had to run out of the lab and to the toilets.
When she'd finally stopped throwing up she collapsed again the wall and sat there, letting the tears fall. The thought of telling him made her cry even harder and she pulled her legs closer to her and buried her head in her hands. Not caring that she was sitting on the floor or that she was in the toilets. She didn't care where she was; all she wanted was to be alone to think.
But someone would come looking for her; Boyd would probably send Frankie or Grace to look for her. But when the door opened a moment later it was neither Frankie nor Grace, but Boyd. He stood in the doorway watching her. She still had her head buried in her hands and was now softly crying, unaware that her boss was standing in the doorway of the lady's toilets.
She looked up when she heard someone clearing their throat and wiped her eyes, she looked at her boss shocked that he was in there.
‘’ Boyd what are y-you doing in here ‘’ she cried in surprise.
‘’ I came to see if you were all right. Frankie told me you left the lab in a hurry ‘’ he explained, as he came closer to her.
‘’ I'm fine. You shouldn't be in here. This is the lady's you know ‘’
‘’ I know ‘’ he said with a laugh. He stopped laughing and became serious. He sat down next to her and put his arm around her shoulder. After a couple of minutes she rested her head on his shoulder.
They sat like this for several minutes before Mel decided to tell him, if she didn't tell him now he would find out soon enough anyway when she started to show. She wanted to tell him now, save him from getting angry with her when he did find out.
‘’ I want to apologise ‘’ she began. Lifting her head up and turning to look at him, so he could see her face.
‘’ Apologise. What for ‘’ he asked. He was confused. What did she have to apologise for? He thought to himself, as he looked at her.
‘’ F-for avoiding you the past four weeks. It's just I needed time to clear my head. I don't think I've cleared it properly but I know what I want. What I feel. I don't want you to think that that night we spent together doesn't mean anything to me and that I regret it; because I don't ‘’ pause ‘’ I was just shocked. But now I know how I feel ‘’
‘’ How do you feel ‘’ he asked. His heart beating faster as he looked into her eyes, as he looked at her beautiful face.
‘’ I love you ‘’
Just hearing those three words sent his heart racing, and for what seemed like hours he sat there totally speechless. It felt as though he'd been sitting there for hours but in reality it had only been a few minutes. He briefly looked away and then turned back round to look at her. Looking into her eyes he could see that she was telling the truth, that she really did love him. It was all there in her eyes, he reach his hand out and stroked her cheek gently, a smile breaking out across his face. As he prepared himself to tell her how he felt.
He'd been scared. Scared that she wouldn't love him back, that she would reject him. But it seemed his fears were unfounded.
‘’ I love you ‘’ he whispered as he leaned forward, gently placing his lips on top of hers. She leaned into him and gave her self away to the kiss.
She could feel the softness of his lips on hers. It sent a chill up her spine and she wrapped her arms round his neck. Running her fingers through his hair. They were still locked in the passionate kiss minutes later when the door to the toilets opened.
‘’ Oh ‘’ cried Frankie. As she came across the two of them kissing on the floor.
She backed out of the toilet and quickly retreated. Going back to the office. Grace and Spence were sat at a computer watching something and looked up when Frankie stumbled in looking embarrassed. She sat down in a chair and didn't know what to do.
‘’ You alight Frankie ‘’ asked Spence. Noticing her expression.
‘’ I uh … I saw Boyd and um … Mel … ‘’ she stammered.
Grace and Spence looked at each other and then back at her. She felt uncomfortable under their curious stares, obviously wanting to know what she'd seen.
‘’ … Kissing ‘’ she finished.
‘’ Kissing … you mean. Each other ‘’ Spence asked. And all she could do was nod.
They pulled away from each other and for several minutes, sat looking at each other. The smile not disappearing from his face. I've got to do it, I've got to tell him. Taking a deep calming breath she looked at him and prepared to tell him her news, her life changing news.
‘’ B-Peter there's um … something I've got to tell you ‘’ she stammered. Wondering why it was so hard for her to get her words out.
‘’ What is it ‘’ he asked.
‘’ I went to the doctor's this morning with Olivia, my sister. And um … the doctor told me that I'm … ‘’
‘’ What … what did the doctor tell you ‘’ he asked, starting to worry that there was something wrong with her.
‘’ … Pregnant ‘’ she finished.
She waited for him to say something, anything but he didn't he just sat there, opened his mouth and then closed it again. She was starting to worry about his reaction. What if he got angry at her.
She lowered her head and looked down at her hands, but he gently lifted her chin up so he could look at her. He was still smiling, which had to be a good sign.
‘’ I love you ‘’ he said, continuing to look into her eyes.
He saw the tears start to roll down her cheeks, wiping away her tears he moved closer to her and kissed her again. He pulled away and just sat there looking at her.
‘’ What's wrong ‘’ he asked.
‘’ I-I thought you would hate me ‘’ she whispered.
‘’ I could never hate you Mel. I love you ‘’
‘’ I was scared. That you wouldn't want me ‘’ pause ‘’ that you wouldn't want the baby ‘’
‘’ Of course I do ‘’ he told her, wiping the remaining tears from her eyes and hugging her.
They pulled away and she moved around until she was as comfortable as she was going to get on the floor. Her legs had gone numb and she was starting to get pins and needles. She'd have to stand up soon before her legs went any number.
’ I just hope that I’ll be a better father to this child. Then I was to Joe. ‘’
‘’ I'm sure you were a good father to him ‘’
‘’ It's my fault though. It's my fault that he's missing that he could be dead. I'm responsible. I don't want to make the same mistake again ‘’ he told her.
‘’ I'm scared ‘’ she admitted.
‘’ Why ‘’
‘’ Because I've never done this before. I-I’m scared of messing it up. That I’ll just end up l-like my mother, and then the baby will have to be forcibly removed. Like me and Olivia were ‘’ pause ‘’ I don't want what me and Olivia went through to happen to my baby … our baby ‘’
‘’ Your not going to mess this up. I have faith in you, I have faith that you'll be a brilliant mother. I know what happened to you and Olivia was hard but it's not going to happen to our baby. ‘’
She really need to get up of the floor now, her legs had gone numb and she moved them trying to the feeling back into them. She slowly got to her feet and stood up, but her legs were unsteady from being sat down for so long on the floor and she began to fall. Boyd got to his feet and caught her before she fell, he held her against him for several minutes until she tried to pull away, telling him she was ok now.
‘’ The others will be wondering where we are ‘’ she told him.
‘’ I guess we should get back ‘’
‘’ You won't tell any one will you ‘’ she asked in a small voice.
‘’ Of course I wont. It's between you and me. But you'll have to tell them soon. They'll notice ‘’ he told her, as he came towards her for a final kiss before they went back out.
‘’ I know. And I will tell them. What about us, I mean where does this leave us ‘’ she asked.
‘’ We can take one day at a time ok. I'm not going to rush you. And if you don't want us to be with each other then that's fine ‘’
‘’ I do. I love you ok ‘’
He moved closer to her and placed his lips on top of hers. Running his hand up and down her back, they let go of each other and Mel straightened her clothing before the walked out of the toilets and joined the others.
Frankie, Spence and Grace had smiles on their faces. And Mel and Boyd looked at each other, wondering why they were smiling at them. They didn't realise that Frankie had walked in on them kissing earlier.
‘’ What ‘’ asked Mel.
‘’ Nothing ‘’ answered Frankie.
Everyone (Frankie, Grace and Spence) knows about Mel and Boyd, but they don’t know that Mel’s pregnant. It’s set a couple of days after Chapter two. Boyd has asked her to move in with him but she hasn’t given him an answer yet.
In loving memory of
Our Little Angel
Madeleine Elisabeth Boyd
Born 12.10.03 Died 14.4.04
Aged 6 months
Beloved daughter to
Peter and Amelia Boyd
She reached her hand out and held the baby’s hand, feeling how cold it was. She felt the tears streaming down her cheeks as she looked down at the small baby, at her small baby. It was breaking her heart just looking at her, but she couldn’t leave. Not now, not ever.
She reached her hand up toward the necklace round her neck and undid the clasp at the back, she took it of and placed it into the coffin with the bracelet she’d already put in there.
Her sister had put in a small teddy that she’d bought when Madeleine was born. She couldn’t believe that this was happening, that she was burying her baby. Parents should never have to bury their children, especially not when their baby’s. She thought to herself as she let the tears flow. Not caring anymore that anyone saw her. She was in too much pain to hold it back anymore.
She felt the hand on her shoulder; just feeling his touch made her break down. She collapsed against him crying onto his shoulder and he took her back to their seat and sat her down. Sitting down next to her he held her hand and squeezed it gently.
The scene changed to outside the church in the cemetery. Everyone was gathered round the grave where little baby Madeleine would be buried. She was already in tears as she looked at how small the coffin was.
Mel slowly opened her eyes and sat up in bed, the room was completely dark and the only sounds that could be heard were the sounds of the ticking clock. The only light coming from her alarm clock, the red numbers flashing 4:37 am. She made her way across the room to the door, trying not to wake him up. She walked out into the hall, running her fingers through her hair as she walked toward the kitchen to get a drink. The dream had been so vivid that she could still feel the tears.
After getting herself a glass of water she slowly walked back to her bedroom, trying to shake the feeling away. Surely it wouldn’t come true. She hoped it didn’t. She’d seen them both in the dream completely heartbroken at their daughter’s loss. Surely this wouldn’t happen in real life.
She lay in bed thinking about what Boyd had asked her. After they’d talked about everything and she’d told him that she planning on keeping the baby he’d asked her to move in with him, she’d told him that she needed some time to think about it and he’d said that she could have as much time as she wanted. She lay awake for several hours until her eyes finally closed and she fell into a deep dreamless sleep.
Mel had been thinking about it all afternoon and was still thinking about it, as she sat at work trying to concentrate on the information in front of her. But her eyes kept blurring from so much time spent looking at the paper. She closed her eyes and rubbed at them, she needed a break. She’d been at this now for 3 hours. Frankie was in the lab, Grace and Boyd were in their offices and Spence had gone to run an errand.
She opened her eyes again and closed the file in front of her. Her mind had been wondering all day and she needed to do something about it, she ran her fingers through her short blond hair and then looked at the screen of her computer, as though it would help her make a decision.
She needed to talk to someone; she needed their advice on what she should do. She opened up a window and went into her email account. Typing in her username and password and then waiting for it to sign in. when it had finished she started to compose her email. Writing to the only other person she knew would be able to trust. She could trust Frankie, who was a friend as well as a colleague, but she wanted to talk to her sister.
While she waited for a reply she did some more work, and did some research on the Internet for the case their latest case. She hoped that Olivia was online now and replied straight away, she didn’t want to wait days for a reply but if she had to she would. She was just coming back from the toilet’s when she noticed the ‘You’ve got new mail’ flashing up on the screen. She opened it up and began to read it.
Mel smiled as she re-read the email again. She immediately felt better after reading what her sister had to say and her mind was less fogged with confusion. She knew what she wanted now. It had helped her a lot getting advice from Olivia.
She opened up a new message field and sent a reply back, before going back to her work. She sent another reply back and then closed the window. Going back to the file she’d been looking at before. She felt better now that she’d gotten her sister’s advice and she was less confused now. She’d decided to tell him tonight.
She’d been sitting in her car now for the past 20 minutes, trying to work out what she was going to say. It was simple all she had to do was say ‘Peter I’ve decided I want to move in with you’, so why was it so hard for her to actually put that into words. She was afraid that was it, she was afraid that he’d changed his mind and didn’t want to live with her now, she was scared that he’d changed his mind about the baby and about them.
You can’t stay in here all night you know. You’re going to have to tell him, he needs to know.
The annoying voice in the back of her mind said. She took a deep breath and got out of the car, she stood by her car for several seconds before walking toward the front door. It took her several more minutes to knock; while she waited she played with her keys and went over what she was going to say. She’d never been more nervous in her whole life then she was now. He opened the door and they stood there for several seconds looking at each other, he let her in.
She walked into the living room and looked around; taking a look at the place she’d be moving into it was nice. She turned round when she heard him clear his throat; he was standing in the doorway looking at her. He offered her a drink and she asked for some water and while he was gone, looked round the living room a bit more. The walls were painted in a light crème and she wondered if he’d decorated himself or if it had been like that when he’d bought the place.
‘’ So what did you want to see me about ‘’ he asked, as he returned with a glass of water. She took the glass of water from him and took a sip.
‘’ I-I came to tell you that I’ve made a decision ‘’
She paused, taking another sip before continuing ‘’ I’ve decided I want to move in with you ‘’
He smiled and she smiled back at him, she put the glass down on the table and he moved closer. He moved even closer and soon they were sharing a passionate and tender kiss. She knew everything was going to be alright now, she had Peter and as long as she had him she could get through anything, she was scared about the dream she’d had last night but hoped with all her heart that it was just that. Just a dream.